You hear it all the time: Show, Don’t Tell…but just what does it mean? And how do you avoid telling? After all, you are telling the story, aren’t you? Well, that may just be the predicament. To make it clearer, we really should refer to stories as being shown…just as movies are shown. We want our readers to experience the story…not be told what happened as if it were a newspaper article. Are we reporting the facts or showing active events?
As you write, envision your tale as a movie…show what can be seen, avoid telling. How many movies have a voice over to explain things? Probably not very many—if any at all. In fact, you’d probably be offended if a movie told you that the main character was angry…instead of showing him slowly crumpling up the note she’d left for him. Would you consider walking out If the voice over told you that the girlfriend was sad, instead of showing her devouring half a chocolate cake, washing it down with beer? You’d feel as if the producers thought you were an idiot if the cop stood in the doorway, scanning the room…and the voice over told you, “Sergeant Murphy looked for clues.” Yet many times, we see authors doing just that…telling instead of letting the reader figure out for himself what the characters are thinking or feeling.
You’ll find that most of your readers are pretty smart…think about it…they picked up your book, didn’t they? That’s a good clue that they know a few things already. Imagine that they are reading your book because they want to enjoy a bit of escape from the cold, cruel world. Give them something they can really get into.
Examples
Now we’re going to get into specific instances that could be found in novels all across the web. In most cases, the expanded showing gives you an opportunity to give the reader more insight into the characters than the curt telling does.
- Amy was cold.
- Amy pulled her collar tighter around her neck, turned away from the frigid breeze, and shivered slightly.
- Bob was tall.
- Bob could have played center on a basketball team…if it weren’t for the fact that his gangly limbs flew in all directions every time he tried to run.
- Carl was tired.
- Carl stared off into the distance, only occasionally rubbing his eyes and shrugging if anyone spoke to him directly.
- David looked as if he’d slept in his clothes.
- David tottered out of the bedroom, his sweater wrapped half way around one arm, his pants crumpled up almost to his knees.
- Eric drove an old car.
- Eric tooled around town in his classic Chevy, every surface polished until it gleamed.
- Eric managed to get to the 7-11 with all the parts still attached to his old rust bucket.
- Frank squinted at the rising sun.
- Frank winced in pain as the first rays of the morning’s sun pierced into his bloodshot eyes.
- George liked what he saw when he met Holly.
- George sucked in his breath as Holly entered the room, feeling as if the whole building were spinning.
- Holly enjoyed her date with George.
- Holly gazed at George, entranced by his stories, hardly touching the expensive meal at the fanciest restaurant in town.
- It was mid-winter.
- Snow draped the bare trees, pushing their branches closer to the ground.
Sometimes You Need to Tell
Just because you constantly hear Show, Don’t Tell, doesn’t make it a hard and fast rule that must be obeyed at all costs. Occasionally telling is the right thing to do. A newspaper article demands that you report the facts…the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The same thing can apply to fiction as well: often the glossed over facts will suffice.
We can’t follow the Main Character around all the time. You will always have moments when the camera fades to black, time passes, and we refocus on a new scene. You can summarise what happened during the blackout in a short paragraph or two. For example:
- John fumed about the conversation last night. Kelly was getting really demanding…insisting that he get a job. She knew her income was plenty for the two of them, but he’d give it a try. He walked into the doughnut shop, put his elbows on the counter, and said, “Got a manager back there?”
That short paragraph gives us enough information about what went on last night that we don’t really need to hear or see the whole thing—we can imagine the worst.
Minor characters can get their few seconds in the spotlight then move on, some without even being named:
- The girl behind the counter was surprised by the request.
Compress the passing of time into a telling paragraph:
- Spring came and went, and John still hadn’t found anyone to hire him.
Add a bit of backstory in either a flashback…or a telling paragraph:
- John remembered back to how his father had worked for a construction company. He shook his head. “Nah, that’s not for me.”
When you need to tell, go ahead, but keep it short to avoid boring your readers.
Follow the Rules…Sometimes
Showing…Telling…which to use, and when? Using both appropriately will thrill your readers and entertain them as well. Show to bring them into the story—Tell to move them quickly to the next exciting spot. For readers to experience your story, they need to be shown, but not shown too much. Used judiciously both will work for you.
Maybe it should be Show and Tell.