– Terms

Posts related to Terminology

Shaggy Dog Story

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Although we enjoy a good story, there has to be some point to it or it just disappoints. The problem with Shaggy Dog stories is that there isn’t any point, and that’s pretty much the definition. Many Shaggy Dog stories go on and on…full of irrelevant details that never add anything to the story, finally ending “Not with a bang but a whimper” or even worse, a poorly placed pun.

When you start writing a story, you have to at least have some kind of message in mind…otherwise, you’ll just wander around never getting anywhere, even if you’re a pantser. There’s a problem when you get to the end of your story and don’t even know it. How would you know the story is over if you don’t have some kind of goal or end in mind?

Stories exist because of the end…not the middle. Yes, they need the middle to build tension, aiming for the climax, which will reveal the final change, but it’s that change, that Transformation, that is the real essence of the story. That’s what the readers look for when they first pick up your book. Give them a good ending, and they’ll shout your praises far and wide.

Examples

There are many instances of Shaggy Dog stories, but two stand out as historical examples.

Mark Twain and Jim Blain

Mark Twain wrote about encountering a Shaggy Dog in Roughing It, a book covering his travels throughout the west. In chapter 53 he recounts meeting Jim Blain, who was apt to tell a story about his grandfather’s ram. Jim’s problem was that once he started off telling the story, he got side-tracked: first leading off into a tale about the family where his grandfather had acquired the ram, which then branched off into details about a man who, when he was thrown out of church, landed on an old lady with a glass eye. That is then followed by a long convoluted narrative about her glass eye…and her borrowing a wooden leg “because crutches were too slow.” A dozen or more barely linked stories later, over 1600 words, Jim suddenly falls asleep, never finishing the story about the ram.

It seems no one around had ever heard more than a brief mention of the ram at the beginning of the long account, but they all wanted Mark Twain to experience it for himself. Twain’s story ends with, “What the thing was that happened to him and his grandfather’s old ram is a dark mystery to this day, for nobody has ever yet found out.”

Nikolai Gogol and Captain Kopeikin

Another famous Shaggy Dog story appears in chapter 10 of Nikolai Gogol’s novel Dead Souls. As the characters attempt to identify the main character of the novel, Chichikov, someone misidentifies him as Captain Kopeikin. No one has heard of this Captain Kopeikin, so we get a story of almost 2000 words detailing all the adventures and goings on of Captain Kopeikin after the war. In the middle of the tale, someone interrupts, pointing out that Chichikov couldn’t be Captain Kopeikin. He reminds everyone that at the very beginning of the diversion, Captain Kopeikin is described as having lost an arm and a leg, and the mysterious Chichikov is whole. This makes the whole discussion of Captain Kopeikin null and void.

This Shaggy Dog story works well in this situation because the reader can sit back and laugh at the characters who spent all that time listening to a long involved story that turns out to be worthless. It also gives Nikolai a chance to develop some of the characters, allowing the reader to understand the general situation in that time and place.

Hidden Shaggy Dogs

Shaggy Dog stories are fine if they are in a story, intentionally put there by the author to create sympathy for the characters, explain the setting, or allow the narrator to poke fun at others. We only have a problem when the Shaggy Dog is the whole story…often not intended by the author.

Occasionally, we’ve seen a ms where the author didn’t have a clear vision of his story. He just wrote down whatever came next in his mind…barely linked ideas, similar to Jim Blain’s story. It’s difficult to critique or edit such a story, as often none of the Five Plot Points exist, there is no Logline to guide the flow, and no tension builds…just more and more extraneous details. In fact, many Shaggy Dog stories are identified by having an anti-climax, where the problems just go away—not necessarily with a Deus ex machina, but rather by coming up with a simplistic solution after all the anticipation.

Intentional Shaggy Dogs

Similar to Mark Twain’s friends who wanted to see him frustrated by Jim Blain’s story, if you are ever in our area, we’d like to introduce you to Roger. Known for stopping on the side of the road at public events to tell a story, he’ll draw a crowd. He then holds them entranced, blocking the pathway, for over twenty minutes as he goes on and on. Then he suddenly ends the story with a terrible pun, eliciting a groan from everyone expecting some big ending. We love to see how big of a crowd he can get…and how long he can keep them captivated…just so we can laugh at them.

Mary Sue (or Marty Stu)

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Earlier we had talked about Author Intrusion, when an author inserts his opinions or beliefs into a story as part of narration…where they don’t belong. Now we’re going to cover what happens when the author literally inserts himself into a story. We use the term self-insertion to refer to this literary device. Not limited to literature, artists during the 16th century occasionally put a self-portrait into paintings they did.

These self-inserted characters (also called author surrogates) are usually blatant representations of the author…taken from the real world and put into the fictional world created by the author. They give authors an opportunity to reveal their philosophy or politics in the story world. When done openly, it gives the author permission to interact with his characters and express personal views…as long as it fits into the story. (Sometimes going so far as having the same name as the author!) Some authors write stories specifically to allow them to pontificate to the world or for humorous or sarcastic effect.

Sometimes an author surrogate exists as a veiled character, with a different name, description, personality…even gender…so the author can distance himself from the actions of the character but still express his stance on various topics. Some aspects of the author will always creep into every character he builds (everything is a little bit autobiographical). The problem is that some characters, intended to be just based on the author, drift into being the author. Unfortunately, when taken too far, the character becomes the author (or vice versa).

Source of the Term

The term Mary Sue (later re-gendered into Marty Stu) originated in the early days of fan fiction. (Fan-fiction is when young writers create stories that take place in existing universes.) Back then, the most common universe used was Star Trek, with Captain Kirk, Mr Spock, Dr McCoy, and Commander Scott. Fan Fiction authors wrote many stories involving those main characters, along with new characters…as it happened, most of the new characters they introduced were specifically intended to represent the writer themselves.

Those author-characters gave rise to the term Mary Sue after Paula Smith wrote a parody in “The Menagerie”, a fan-zine (fan magazine). The main character in the story was Lieutenant Mary Sue, the youngest lieutenant in the fleet. She not only out captained Kirk, and out logic’d Spock, but she also managed to single-handedly rescue all four of the main characters from imprisonment…regrettably (or not so) dying from a disease she caught whilst freeing them. The story ends with everyone on the Enterprise celebrating her birthday as “a national holiday”…”even to this day.”

Nothing is wrong with author surrogates in general, but it sometimes becomes obvious that the author has created a super-character, making him unreasonably skilled or flawless. He has made a self-idealisation of an outrageously gifted author substitute. When an author has created such a super-character so perfect that they never fail, it lacks credibility, and the rest of the story (created just to show off that character’s abilities) falls flat. That is when the term Mary Sue or Marty Stu is applicable to identify the clichéd work.

Spotting a Mary or Marty

If a character is vitally central to the story, always wins the day no matter the obstacles, is impossibly skilled in every task, happens to make all the right decisions, and has remarkable physical characteristics, you might have a Mary Sue.

In fan-fiction, anyone who upstages the pre-existing characters should be questioned. Yes, the author wants his characters to have their moment in the spotlight—but it can’t come at the expense of established characters.

There’s no problem if an author inserts himself into the fictional world. The problem is when he imbues that character with talents unfairly. Maybe the author would personally like to have those abilities…in real life, not just in this story—this is author wish fulfilment.

Caution

Because the term is a put-down, be careful pointing the finger at any character under discussion in your Critique Groups. Just because you don’t like a character doesn’t make them a Mary or Marty. The author may have intended to create an unlikable character. Remember, a true Mary or Marty is unflawed, missing any qualities that make them real, failing to appeal to the reader. Then again, if readers can relate, it can be an escapism for them—who doesn’t wish they were super?

Keep in mind, not every Mary Sue is a stand-in for the author, nor is every stand-in a Mary Sue. The problem arises when the character in question is so amazing that it kills the story…whether or not that character is a proxy for the author. Be careful to not haphazardly apply the label to any character who doesn’t fit into ‘normal’ society…some characters just don’t belong in our society but work well in their fictional world.

Marty Stu

Not to be outdone, many male characters also fit the description of a Mary Sue. We call them Marty Stu, Gary Stu, or Larry Stu (or Sue to keep the same name). As with Mary Sue, Marty is striking, misunderstood, has a heartrending history, and is so ideal as to be disgusting

Although obviously not author surrogates, there are some famous Marty Stu characters. Think about James Bond, Superman, and Wolverine. (Who else gets sliced to bits, shot a dozen times, then just gets up and keeps fighting?) There are arguments about Batman…in his fictional world, they explain how he became so proficient and how he maintains his physical prowess, so the label may not fit.

Amusingly, considering the origin of the name, another famous Marty Stu is Captain Kirk himself!

As You Know, Bob

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This is one of my favourite comments to write on someone’s ms…because it often engenders a long conversation with authors, who often don’t realise what they’ve done. From the name, you can deduce that dialogue where one character tells another something that they both already know is called As You Know, Bob (AYKB). Writing an AYKB dialogue might be used to reveal info to the reader, but if the characters already know it, why would they mention it? Obvious information is never included in casual conversation.

Although it can appear in any kind of story, the two genres that suffer the most from AYKB are historical and speculative fiction. Historical because of all the research needed to maintain accuracy, and speculative fiction because of all the world building. Once that historical research or world building is done, authors just can’t keep it to themselves. They want readers to understand all the work they did to create the background…which should remain in the background.

It’s true that readers love to immerse themselves into a world unlike their current reality, but don’t rub their noses in it. Make everything so common and expected that they feel as if they are actually there. When conversations exist only to leak info to the readers, it feels fake and throws the reader out of the story.

Research

Some research is needed to ensure accurate historical facts or the plausibility of your world, but to do it right, you have to spend hours collecting or creating the material and gathering it together into a Story Bible. You need that tome, but the readers want a book with excitement and action…with people doing things. After so much investigation or construction, it might feel wasted not to share it all with your readers…even if they don’t care. Don’t let the research drive the story—if it doesn’t propel, toss it. You may have spent a lot of time exploring a limited topic…just to perfect a single sentence or even a single word…but only the info the reader needs should remain.

We know readers might need some details to understand your book, but you can’t interrupt the action to dump it on them…find another way that seems ordinary and natural. Sticking those details into dialogue won’t sound realistic, and the readers will know it—flagging you as a newbie. Forcing your characters to talk about something common (to them) would be similar to you explaining to your brother how flipping a light switch lets electricity flow through wires to the bulb and illuminate the room. Either you both already know, or you don’t care…as long as it works. Same in your story: it may not be necessary for the reader to understand…either it works or it doesn’t, but how is irrelevant.

In fact, having characters talk about things that are ordinary in their world tends to make those things stand out…in other words not ordinary…the opposite of what you had in mind. By not discussing something, the characters and the readers will assume it is normal and routine. Again, try to Resist the Urge to Explain…anything.

Examples

Here are a few examples (some of which we’ve seen in mss we’ve edited!). We’ll discuss why they are so bad and how they could be fixed.

  • “Amy, I heard your husband, Brian, got a new job.”

Unless Amy has more than one husband, including both the title and the name is redundant. So how do you let the reader know that Amy’s husband is named Brian? Turn it around in dialogue:

  • “Amy, I heard your husband got a new job.”
    Amy nodded. “Yes, Brian finally got the security approval.”

Takes care of the AYKB and makes an opportunity to let slip more info.

This next one is totally made up, but it demonstrates a point.

  • The pilot came over the PA just as the plane was about to take off.
    “Just a reminder that the partial vacuum created by the accelerated air over the wings will lift us into the air as we fly.”

You probably can’t imagine that anyone would really say that, but just check out the next one.

  • The captain came over the ship-wide comm and announced,
    “All staff, take your duty positions as we are about to breach space through an Einstein-Rosen bridge, not actually travelling faster than light, just covering a huge distance in a short time through a distortion in space-time.”

This is pretty much the same as the one above, just in a different story, but how many times have you heard something just like it in a SciFi book?

How to Fix the Problem

The best way I know to fix this problem is to introduce a character that doesn’t know the detail. Either he doesn’t know that one detail, or he’s just plain stupid and doesn’t know anything. We call these characters a foil—just don’t make him too stupid. A good example of a foil is Robin, Batman’s sidekick. Whenever Batman does something amazing, Robin says, “Wow, Batman, that was neat. Why’d you do it?” When Batman answers, his motivation is revealed to both Robin and the reader. If Batman is always doing amazing things it can get excessive, so either do it rarely, or make it something comical that the reader will come to expect. (Think about it…why else does Robin exist?)

An alternative to a foil or sidekick is a newbie or an outsider. Bring someone new into your world, and they will need explanations that the reader needs to hear. You might have a native tell the explorer that if he even offers a handshake, he might get his hand chopped off…because no one in this village likes to be touched. That would be a good piece of world building that needs to be revealed…but only when a character needs to hear it.

When you think you’ve got it fixed, run it by your Critique Group or beta readers. If they don’t complain about the revelation, then it might pass the AYKB test. You can also read your text aloud…or even have the dialogue read through as if it were a play. Highlight each character’s lines in different colours, gather a few friends, sit around a table, and have them each read a part. Watch to see that they don’t break out into laughter or snigger as they read (unless your work is intended to be humorous!).

Exceptions

Many of us have friends who sound as if they were walking encyclopaedias. They stand around rattling on about things that everyone already knows…or doesn’t care about. If you have a character like that, then you may let him pontificate to his heart’s delight. Just paste in the Wikipedia text, add quotes, and a dialogue tag.

  • Eric sat up and said, “Forensic science, also known as criminalistics, is the application of science to criminal investigations, as governed by the legal standards of admissible evidence and criminal procedure.”
    Everyone else just rolled their eyes and laughed.

With this technique, you can create a character who just randomly spouts out non-sequiturs, data no one needs, facts that no one wants. I’m certain you all know someone like that.

Killing Reviews

Huge blocks of excessive exposition that aren’t part of the story, can lead to readers and reviewers stopping before they get done reading your book. One of the last things you want to see in a review is “Did not finish”.

Forcing readers to put up with extraneous side discussions tempts fate…and that’s a temptation you don’t want to risk.

Product Placement

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If you get this comment on your ms, it’s because you’ve included some detail that doesn’t seem appropriate. If you keep Chekhov’s Gun in mind, this shouldn’t be a worry, but too often we’ve seen authors who don’t even realise they are doing it. We hope to help those authors, as well.

There are two kinds of product placement: Intentional and Unintentional. The biggest concern is with Intentional…but the slipperiest is Unintentional, so we’ll tackle that first.

Unintentional Product Placement

Too often, we’ve seen the use of informal or slang language inadvertently drop in product names. Over all, there aren’t any real problems with casual speech, especially if your characters are talking, but in some cases, it can cause careless name dropping.

It tends to happen when trademarked names get used in the generic, such as ‘Kleenex®’ instead of ‘tissue’, or ‘Clorox®’ instead of ‘bleach’. If you’re uncertain whether a name you’ve been using for years is in fact a trademarked name, just do a web search and see how it’s used. If you really want to dig into it, check out the US Patent and Trademark Office <uspto.gov> to see how the term is properly used.

In fact, this problem is so wide spread that most folks don’t even realise they are doing it. One time, we had an author who, because of where he was brought up, thought that all refrigerators were named Frigidaire, so every time he went to put the milk away, he’d say, “I’ll go put it in the Frigidaire”, even if it was actually a GE, Whirlpool, Samsung, Kenmore, Maytag or some other brand. Apparently his entire family…back a dozen generations…always called the ice box a Frigidaire, and he didn’t see anything wrong with that.

In casual conversation…in real life…that level of inaccuracy isn’t really an issue (though it may annoy some), but when you want to share your words with the world, you should be more precise and less colloquial. Folks from other parts of the world may not know that Frigidaire is a popular brand of refrigerator…because where they are from, it isn’t.

Intentional Product Placement

The real concern is when authors feel they just have to specify an exact brand or model of some object in their story, probably because they have a specific one in mind or they have one right at hand to look at. If some particular detail is significant in your story, you will include that…but just that, not the particular brand name. In the examples below, you’ll see that mentioning someone speed shifting by smashing the accelerator to the floor in the midst of a shift would be important, but not the name on the outside of the car. Whether someone has to stop to reload a cylinder or just slams in a new magazine would have a definite effect on the action, but the make of the gun would not.

Just remember…the operation of an item is important, not what’s printed on it. You’ll find that the precise make or model of an item doesn’t really add much to the story…as long as you include how the characters have to deal with it. Try to picture the item in the hands of your characters…what do they do with it? How do they make it work? What special features do they have to deal with? That’s what you need to include.

Examples

Here’s a table listing various events that could be happening in your story. We consider how unimportant brand might be…but how important a piece of telling detail might be.

If… It doesn’t matter if it’s a… But it does make a difference if it’s a…
The good guy is
 escaping in a car		 Ford or
 Chevy		 Manual or
 Automatic
The girlfriend is
 putting on makeup		 Revlon or
 Sephora		 Old Lady Burgundy or
 Hot Young Thing Scarlet
The bad guy is
 shooting people		 Colt or
 Remington		 Revolver or
 automatic pistol
The mother is
 going shopping		 Macy’s or
 Target		 Mall full of people or
 an almost abandoned strip
 mall in the bad part of town
The chef is
 slicing tomatoes		 Victorinox or
 Kiwi		 Fillet or
 cleaver
The mentor is
 checking his watch		 Rolex or
 Seiko		 Digital or
 analogue
The brother is
 making a sandwich		 Wonder bread or
 Killer Dave’s		 Whole wheat or
 sourdough
The maid is
 vacuuming		 Hoover or
 Kirby		 Manual or
 electric
The son is
 playing a video game		 Samsung or
 Nintendo		 Phone or
 console

As you can see, the relevant detail may need to be mentioned…or at least alluded to. Stopping to think about that detail may give you an opportunity to include even more descriptions that help the reader see the scene.

Sponsors

On the other hand, if you manage to get Victorinox or Macy’s or Colt to fund your writing, then of course, you need to include their name in your story. If you want, you can even have the good guy use a Colt while the bad guy uses a Remington. That would be a plus for the one and a minus for the other, a technique that’s been used before. In fact, Apple doesn’t mind if their products are visible on the big screen…as long as none of the bad guys have any!

Burly Detective

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This time we are going to look at a trope (a motif or theme that appears in literature, similar to a cliché but not necessarily negative) that seems to crop up in many new writer’s works. It is the attempt by the writer to avoid using a character’s name repeatedly. The term comes from detective magazines where teams of writers all work on the same series. For some reason, they prefer to not use the main character’s name, rather mentioning him using various alternate descriptions.

Instead of saying that Dick Tracy did something, they would say that the “tall man” did it, or the “blond gumshoe”, or the “man from France”, or the “burly detective”…hence the name. It appears in many places, especially dialogue tags when the speaker’s name would normally appear, and that’s where we are going to focus our efforts today.

Examples

Here are some samples that I just made up on the spot. They are a bit overboard, but you can get the idea.

Detective story:

  • “Let’s see the body,” Dick Tracy said.
  • “Over here.” The sergeant pointed.
  • “Looks gruesome,” the blond investigator said.
  • “Been there overnight,” the uniformed officer said.
  • Shaking his head, the plain-clothed cop flipped the body over.
  • The beat constable said, “Never seen that before.”
  • “A new one every day,” the confident sleuth said.

Romance story:

  • Jill glanced over at the new guy. “Who is he?” she asked.
  • Karen leaned back. “Good looking, isn’t he?”
  • The blonde nodded. “Good enough to eat,” she said licking her lips.
  • “You might want to get to know him first,” the stately woman said.
  • Nodding, the lady in blue adjusted her neckline.
  • Her friend said, “Is that how you’re going to snare him?”
  • “It’s worked before,” the bosomy female said, smiling.

Fantasy story:

  • Elladan tipped his head as he listened.
  • “What do you hear?” Morwen asked.
  • The tall elf waved his hand for silence.
  • Leaning in close, the elven maiden closed her eyes to focus.
  • Raising a finger, the white-blond fellow spoke softly, “In the distance…a disturbance.”
  • Nodding, the svelte nymph said, “Yes, I hear it now.”
  • The ruler of the clan reached for his bow.
  • The princess dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword.
  • “Be ready,” the young monarch said.

As you can see, the effort to avoid reusing the character’s name can get quite confusing…and a bit comical. (And trying to come up with all those different ways to describe characters is rather time-consuming!)

Cleaned up Examples

Let’s look at those same examples…but this time, let’s clean up the problems…and still get all the information across to the reader.

Detective story:

  • “Let’s see the body,” Dick Tracy said.
  • “Over here.” The sergeant pointed. (minor character, so no name used)
  • “Looks gruesome,” Tracy said. (use last name only to be formal)
  • “Been there overnight.” (only two in this conversation, so no need to re-identify every time)
  • Shaking his head, he flipped the body over. (alternating speakers, so it’s clear who does this)
  • The sergeant shuddered. “Never seen that before.” (use same generic identifier)
  • “A new one every day,” Tracy said confidently.

Romance story:

  • Jill smiled over at the new guy. “Who is he?” she asked.
  • Karen leaned back. “Good looking, isn’t he?”
  • She nodded. “Good enough to eat,” she said licking her lips. (it’s clear that it’s not Karen)
  • “You might want to get to know him first.” (only two of them here, so no need to repeat)
  • Nodding, Jill adjusted the neckline of her blue dress. (if the colour is important)
  • Her friend laughed. “Is that how you’re going to snare him?” (show relationship)
  • “It’s worked before,” she said, smiling at her exposed cleavage. (show physical description)

Fantasy story:

  • Elladan tipped his head as he listened.
  • “What do you hear?” Morwen asked.
  • He waved his hand for silence. (we should already know he’s an elf)
  • Leaning in close, she closed her eyes to focus. (‘he’ and ‘she’ work well in this situation)
  • Raising a finger, he spoke softly, “In the distance…a disturbance.” (different genders makes it easy)
  • Nodding, she agreed. “Yes, I hear it now.”
  • He reached for his bow. (we should already know his position in the clan)
  • She dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword.
  • “Be ready,” he said.

Confusing?

Clearly, it’s easier if the scene has two people of opposite gender, but even so, all those new and different ways to identify the speaker could be confusing…just how many people are standing around talking? In all three of these examples, there are only two, but with the Burly Detective descriptions in the first set, there could be three, four, five, or even more individual people.

Unless you are intentionally writing a parody, try to avoid overusing descriptions in dialogue tags. Either stick with a single name for your character or just leave it out. We’ll know who is who…as long as you’ve created real, believable characters.

Author Intrusion

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  • This is a long and involved topic. If you’re unhappy about the length, please let us know. We’ll try to keep future discussions a bit shorter. Thanks!

First time writers (as well as a few seasoned authors) are likely to insert their opinions into their writing…whether they are aware of it or not, and that’s just the trouble. You need to know when it’s your characters talking or your narrator telling the story…and not you lecturing the reader. New writers need to remember that the story is intended to be viewed through the characters in a fictional world.

Readers are here for the character’s story…not the author’s opinion on things. They want to imagine that the world you’ve created is real. Any intrusions can distract or confuse readers when it upsets the flow, and it’s annoying, too. Readers will be disappointed that they’ve been kicked out of the story by the interruption.

Now, it’s perfectly fine for characters to have opinions…it adds to their personality, but it needs to fit in the story. The problem is that the author has to create all the characters…including the protagonist…he just has to be careful to not inadvertently create a copy of himself. As much as you may want to, you don’t get to live in your story world vicariously through your creations. Yes, they are your creations, and you are the god of this world, but although they may be made in your image, they are not you. You are the author, not a character in the story. Escapism is one thing, but you can’t get there from here.

On the other hand, using personal experience is not intrusion. If you’ve lived through a car crash, then having your characters succumb to the same physical and emotional trauma you experienced is perfectly fine. The feelings you had, when felt by your characters, helps make your world seem real.

Examples

There are a few different places where Author Intrusion shows up. We are going to address two main areas, but there are others, so keep an eye out for them.

Politics

Some intrusions come about due to trying to be politically correct. If your antagonist really is a bad guy, then he should think and talk like one, no holds barred. There is no need to comment on his badness.

  • “Those weirdos from Mars should all be rounded up and dumped on an island,” Paul said. It wasn’t the right thing to do, but that’s how he felt.

It’s obviously not Paul who thinks it isn’t right…that’s the author letting us know that he doesn’t think it’s right. On the other hand, Paul does think it’s right. In his mind, that’s what needs to be done—he’s a bad guy, through and through, but that’s fine, as antagonists often are. You need to remember that the characters you create are not you. They can be, and often are, very different from you, the author. If the readers can’t figure out that Paul is in the wrong, then it isn’t your job to tell them.

An author’s personal opinions shouldn’t come out of the mouths of characters who obviously don’t feel that way.

  • Erik knelt and placed his spear point down, in deference to the untouched maiden in front of him.

Virginity may be a Judeo-Christian concept held in high esteem, but to the Vikings, it wasn’t even considered. Be careful to avoid writing into your story notions that don’t fit in with the time, locale, or civilisations you are depicting.

Knowledge

Frequently concepts that should be foreign to the characters…but obviously not to the author or readers…somehow get mentioned.

  • William hefted his sword, blocking the sunlight glaring off his opponent’s shield, desperately in need of a good pair of sunglasses.

Hello? The medieval knight wants sunglasses? Not likely. The author would want them in that situation, and any reader would understand the need, but the character shouldn’t be thinking that. You need to keep modern thoughts out of your historical character’s minds…unless William is a time traveller! That would make all the difference.

Knowledge common to readers and authors…but not to characters…can slip in if you’re not careful. Also any research you’ve done can influence your knowledge, but unless the characters have access to the same source of information, they can’t comment on it.

  • “Watson, come here. I need you,” Bell said into the first functional telephone, not knowing that in the future everyone would carry one in their pockets.

If he doesn’t know it, then it shouldn’t be here.

Research done by the author to add a semblance of reality needs to be suppressed if the characters wouldn’t know it.

  • Mike leaned over and whispered, “You mean it will go boom, like when U-235 is impacted by a neutron and splits into Krypton, a noble gas, and Barium, an alkaline earth metal?”

No one actually talks like that, not even an expert in the field of atomic fission, but an author who has over-researched the topic might feel he has to share what he’s learned…and instead of telling us in narrative, he forces one of his characters to spout the nonsense, thinking he can then blame the character for it.

Let the characters speak for themselves.

Avoiding Intrusion

Try to picture the story from the viewpoint of your characters. If you’ve created full characters, not flat ones, they will know what they want to say and do, so let them. Step back from your writing, as you’re writing it…and afterwards. Put it on a shelf for a couple weeks, then read it over again. If anything seems out of place, it probably is. There’s nothing wrong with general knowledge and familiarity with how things work, but the details need to be left up to experts, not your commonplace characters.

Your Beta Readers and Critique Partners will often point out places where it sounds like you talking, not the characters. If you can’t see it, they will. Take their advice and clean it up. If there are certain words that you use in normal life, watch out for your characters using them, too. You may be an expert in some field, but are your characters? Let them go consult an expert in the story, not have all the knowledge they need right at hand.

When you try to balance things out by putting in a character who has a different opinion than you do, but then make him look stupid for that, then you are revealing how you really feel about the topic. Each character should have his or her own personality, different from each other and you. If the reader stops to question the motivation of a character, there is something wrong.

Don’t worry if your Beta Readers or Critique Partners don’t catch it…your editor should, but do you really want to rely on the skills of others? Or would you rather just do it right the first time?

Intentional Intrusion

There are times when you may want to include Author Intrusion as a literary device. That’s fine to do, just make certain that your readers know that’s what you are doing. Many famous authors have done so with impunity. If you feel you can follow in the footsteps of great authors, you are welcome to try, just consider the techniques of the successful ones first. In theatre and movies, this practice is known as breaking the fourth wall…the wall separating the audience from the action. If a character or the narrator turns and speaks directly to the audience, it won’t confuse your reader, just jump right in and say it.

Examples

Isaac Asimov was great for this, as he would often address the reader directly with “Dear Reader”. You knew he, as the author, was talking directly to you, as a reader, and it seemed so casual and direct that you welcomed the discussion he was having with you.

Of course, in non-fiction, it isn’t too much of a stretch to see the author as a teacher addressing students. In fiction, it could be a bit of a distraction to have the author step in and talk to the reader. You’re there for the action and excitement of the story…not a sit-down with someone who will be teaching you something, but it has been done…and can work quite well.

Charlotte Brontë speaks directly to the reader in setting up a scene. For example, consider this extract from Jane Eyre: “A new chapter in a novel is something like a new scene in a play; and when I draw up the curtain this time, reader, you must fancy you see a room in the George Inn at Millcote, with such large figured papering on the walls as inns have; such a carpet, such furniture, such ornaments on the mantle-piece…”

Think about The Princess Bride…the author is telling us about having a story read to him by his father but written by someone else completely. That frees up Goldman to talk to the reader about the inner story being read. (Known as a Frame Story, it is a literary device all on its own.)

If you do decide to try your hand at intentional intrusion, be careful, as it can appear, if not done well, to be lazy writing. It is best used in satire or where the intrusion is obviously ironic. Good luck!

Avoiding Purple Prose

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In this posting on writing, we are going to cover another problem often seen in newbie writing: excessive description. Yes, description is needed to orient the reader, and if you leave it out, you’ll have confused and annoyed readers—in fact, one of the worst chapters I read started off with two characters talking…no description of the location, the setting, or even the characters themselves. All I had was two heads in a dark room…very irritating. So let’s go over just what Purple Prose is and how to avoid it.

What is it?

If you have content that doesn’t add to the story, that has exaggerated and irrelevant details, that goes on and on without purpose, you may have Purple Prose. Often containing long stretches of big words and run-on sentences, it can also appear in smaller chunks: Purple Patches. Even a few of these in a story can unsettle the reader and interrupt the flow. Purple Prose makes itself the focus, instead of the storyline and usually messes with the pace of the rest of the narrative.

Let’s be clear, not all ostentatious language is purple. You don’t need to eliminate all highly descriptive language, just the unrestrained depictions that don’t move the story along. Some minimalists feel that following in the footsteps of those such as Hemingway is the way to go, but unless you normally write in that style, you should try to avoid either extreme.

How to Avoid It

So why do so many writers fall into the mistake of Purple Prose? Because they think it makes them look more literary, more highbrow or scholarly, classier. Sadly all it does is show that they have a good thesaurus. Becoming overly dependent on word choice can make it worse. Stick with the words you already know…just tell the story as if you were standing around chatting with friends. That’s the kind of language your reader prefers.

Watch out if you delve into description in the middle of a scene, too…is it really necessary? If so, then put it closer to the beginning, and include only enough to orient the reader to the setting: location, time, and who is there. Make certain to include only relevant details. If the door to the kitchen has to be on the right (because of something later in the book), then put it there when we first encounter it. If it isn’t important which side it’s on, then don’t bother to tell us—the reader assumes that anything you put in is there for a reason (see Chekhov’s Gun).

Proper descriptions will make your story easier for readers to visualise and experience. Make it a good one, and they’ll talk about it to all their friends!

Avoiding On the Nose Writing

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This term may be new to those of you who aren’t into script writing. Script writers use this term to describe dialogue that really should be turned into action scenes. You’ve been warned to Avoid Clichés (old tired metaphors and similes) but now we’re going to discuss what happens if you don’t use any complexities (such as metaphors or similes) in your writing.

If you ever see this comment (On the Nose) written on your edited ms, it’s because you have characters telling what they feel instead of showing it. You are letting the characters give the reader facts—cold, dry facts. Sometimes the silent action between dialogue gives the best idea of what’s going on, and don’t forget to include Sub Text. Let the characters do something, rather than just talk about it. It also applies if you are stating facts, too. Try to be a little creative in how you give the reader information.

Just the Facts Ma’am

  • On the Nose
    1. She said, “I’m sad.”
    2. He said, “I’m mad.”
    3. She said, “I’m scared.”
    4. He typed up the letter as fast as he could.
    5. He walked into the boss’s office with the file folder full of pictures.
  • Using Creative Language
    1. She flopped into the armchair and sighed, her gaze slowly scanning the room through tear-filled eyes.
    2. He stared across the room, turned slowly, and put his fist through the wall.
    3. She screamed as she dove for cover under the table.
    4. His fingers flew over the keyboard, buzzing like flies escaping the swatter.
    5. He strode like a giant into management hell clutching the cold as ice evidence.

Too Much Info (TMI)

This note also applies if you are giving too much detail that doesn’t move the story along. Don’t try to pad your word count with irrelevant information. If the reader should be able to figure out what’s going on, let him.

  • On the Nose
    1. Her phone chimed, letting her know a call was coming in. She dropped her purse on the table, opened it, and dug through. Finding her phone, she hit the green button, and put it to her ear.
    2. He pulled out a key as he approached the car. Putting it into the keyhole, he gave it a sharp twist and smirked as the lock popped open. He pulled the door and got in, started the car, and drove off.
    3. He took the file folder from the filing cabinet where it had sat for years and dusted it off, putting it on the table in the middle of the room. Flipping it open, he smiled at the first picture he saw inside it.
  • Cut to the Essence
    1. Her phone rang, and she answered it.
    2. He jimmied the lock, and rocketed off in the stolen car.
    3. Pulling the dusty folder from the drawer, he was relieved to see her picture had survived.

It’s all back to Show Don’t Tell, but you don’t want to show unnecessary action. Keep it down to what’s needed to get the idea across. You can also try to make your story more refreshing by using some creative language—use a few more metaphors or similes…that you’ve created! Be imaginative, entertain us, make us stop and think for a moment. Don’t bore us with what’s happening…make us experience the story in a whole new way.

Head Hopping

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Although Head Hopping sounds as if it could be some kind of children’s game, in writing, it’s a problem many newbie authors aren’t even aware of—despite being a logical mistake. After all, as he is creating his characters, he is all of them, in all their heads, feeling for all of them. He may balk at trying to keep in just one character’s view, because he then runs into the difficulty of letting the Reader know what the bad guy is planning—without letting the MC know. Some editors are rather touchy about POV slips, and some even judge it to be an amateurish mistake, so many stories come back from critique all marked up: Head Hopping. Once you’ve become serious about writing, you’ll probably discover that, other than Show Don’t Tell, you hear mentions of Head Hopping often…and wonder what it is.

Well, Head Hopping is related to Point of View—the perspective of the character through whose eyes and ears we experience the story. If the story suddenly switches from one character’s viewpoint to another, it disrupts the flow of the story…confusing readers, making them stop to figure out where they are. That means we need to understand just what Point of View is.

What is POV?

We have a post dedicated to POV, so here we are just going to hit the high points. First Person—in the head of the MC. Second Person—in your own head. Third Person Limited—in no one’s head…just a Fly on the Wall. Whatever the fly sees, the reader sees…whatever the fly hears, the reader hears—only in that room, at that time—no internal thoughts or emotions at all, just faces scrunched up or tears running down cheeks.

Third Person Omniscient—in everyone’s head, but only from a distance. We lose the opportunity to know any of the characters up close. The Omniscient Narrator, far removed from the story, sees all, knows all, and can report on the thoughts and emotions of anyone, but we don’t get to hear those thoughts or feel those emotions from the characters themselves. This technique avoids head hopping by taking a bird’s eye view, removing the reader from the story, from the action, from the characters—not telling the story from any one character’s perspective, rather from the perspective of some unidentified, all-knowing, massive, floating entity who is not even involved in the story. In some stories that may work, but most readers want to be in the action (picturing themselves as the characters…you know, escapism).

So, Where’s The Problem?

Most of the levels of POV are safe from Head Hopping. The issue only pops up when we use Third Person Close. In that POV, we sit on a character’s shoulder…listening to his thoughts, feeling his emotions, seeing the world through his eyes. Now although that’s a fine and dandy way to pull a reader into a story, because you are actually in his head, you can’t be in anyone else’s. In most cases, that’s satisfactory. The only difficulty is when you have some information that the POV character doesn’t have or isn’t supposed to have. How do you get that information to the reader?… Or do you?

Sometimes a lack of information is a good thing. Suspense can keep the reader interested, and instead of giving everything away, you can let the Reader (and the MC) figure things out for themselves based on what has been revealed—a technique known as Sub Text. Just remember that bouncing around in multiple points of view can not only be confusing to the reader, but also kick them out of the story, reminding them that they are reading something…rather than being there. As with an Omniscient Narrator, the reader can’t be in the story, experiencing it first-hand. The head hopping prevents them from suspending their disbelief. Let your readers become part of your story—keep them happy. Keep the POV tight, and your readers will develop a strong, emotional connection to the character…unbroken by lazy writing—they’ll care about him and what happens to him.

Revealing Information

Sometimes, there are things happening out of the view of the POV character, but he needs to know about them. The quick and easy way to handle this situation is to have a Witness. Some other character can come running up and tell the MC all about what just happened down the street, around the corner, in the building. If the information isn’t urgent, then finding out later may work, via a news article or a message.

On the other hand, you may have some information that the MC isn’t supposed to know (such as what the bad guy is doing). The only way to reveal that info to the reader is by switching to a new POV…and that can be done only at a break—a section break, a chapter break, or a scene break (don’t forget to use *** to show a change in location, time, or POV).

Avoid Head Hopping

When you list out your scenes and their purpose, always include the POV character…the character who has the most to gain or lose in that scene. That will also allow you to see whether all your key characters are getting a turn at presenting the story. Then, just start the scene with their name and write on!

A Logline or a Tagline?

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Although today is National Grammar Day, we aren’t going to examine any aspect of grammar…rather we are going to expose yet another baffling term that is probably new to you…actually a pair of terms that are often confused. Because you’ll probably need both a Tagline and a Logline, it’s a pretty good idea to distinguish them.

Logline

Commonly expanded and used as an Elevator Speech, or expanded even more to become a Blurb, a Logline is a quick description of your book that includes enough information so the reader knows what it’s all about. Easy enough to build…determine the proper parts and put them together.

Start with your main character…but not his name, just a quick description as an outsider would see him with a couple descriptive adjectives to give some depth.

  • A former boy scout

Then you need to add some setting, just enough to set the general situation or time period. You could also include an indication of genre here.

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college

Next, mention what’s changed in his life. Why is the story starting here? That would be the Inciting Event from Act I. Don’t go into too much detail, just a quick reason why things have changed.

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts

Now we need to know the stakes…what could happen…what are the risks?

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts. Using some experimental technology, they plan to travel far to experience a new world

Finally we need to get the reader to care about the characters.

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts. Using some experimental technology, they plan to travel far to experience a new world where they discover more about themselves than they expected and have to make some crucial decisions to ensure that all return safely

Optional

To keep the tension strong, a ticking clock is handy to have.

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts. Using some experimental technology, they plan to travel far to experience a new world where they discover more about themselves than they expected and have to make some crucial decisions to ensure that all return safely before the door to the new world closes.

That covers the Logline, just two sentences.

Tagline

Often found as a subtitle on a novel, the Tagline gives a feeling of what the book is about…but none of the details. You can’t predict anything about the book from the Tagline, but it makes you want look more, just like a slogan—complementing your cover image as it illuminates the heart of your book.

Creating a Logline was a straightforward step-by-step process…creating a Tagline, on the other hand, is a whole ’nother ball of wax. Because your Tagline has little to do with the content of your book, there is no quick and easy method to create one. It is a purely creative task, so we suggest that you consider the list below for inspiration and do a lot of brainstorming. Come up with as many as you can and pass them by your friends and family, critique partners, possibly total strangers. See how they react, what questions they ask, what excites them. Would they pick up the book based on that alone?

You’ll probably recognise some of the following Taglines…and could even name the book, movie, or show.

  • There can be only one.
  • A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…
  • Who you gonna call?
  • One ring to rule them all.
  • …the temperature at which books burn.
  • Winter is coming.
  • Don’t go in the water.
  • Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water…
  • Winning will make you famous. Losing means certain death.
  • The truth is out there.
  • We are not alone.
  • There are two sides to every story.
  • Half Boy. Half God. All Hero.

As you can see, even if you know what those Taglines refer to, by themselves, they don’t give any clue what the story is about. That’s the problem with Taglines. All we can do is wish you luck!