September 2020 — Turner Editing

Weather in Your Book

2020 Oct 13 Tue2020 Sep 30 Wed by Westley

People are always talking about the weather…at least in real life, so why not in your book? Weather can have an incredible impact…not only in real life, but in fiction as well. It is constantly affecting us, so why shouldn’t it be included in any story you tell? It can be used to set a mood, suggest events yet to come, or act as a complication to the aims of the characters, and calling attention to the weather makes the world seem real, inviting the readers to experience the story more fully. Even just a bit of weather will enhance the interest in your story.

If you don’t involve the weather, you not only fail to use an effective tool, but also your readers might have a vague feeling that something is missing…fortunately a quick mention is all that’s needed. Right at the beginning of a scene, just make a quick remark about the weather, then move on. Your readers will picture the scene more fully and feel included. Just as you don’t want talking heads in a dark room, you don’t want to leave the whole world in the dark…enlighten your readers with a general setting of weather. If you don’t…if there is never rain, snow, or wind…and the temperature is a constant mild warm, then it must be a future story, and the climate is under total control…of the government. Hmmm….

Weather as a Description

When you’re adding in the weather as a minor scene setting, you have a rare opportunity to Tell, not Show, so take advantage of it! However, you may find that the best way is actually not to tell what the weather is…but to show how your characters are reacting to it. (There we are, back to Show, don’t Tell.) The weather by itself could be, and should be, boring, but how people respond to it is critical. Be certain to use plenty of good, solid, descriptive words, with as many of the senses as you can. It isn’t just cold—the wind is whistling around the corner of the house making Amy’s cheeks burn.

Weather to Avoid

Be aware of the many clichés that abound when discussing the weather:

Rain: lashing, ducks, parades, never rains but pours, depressing, funerals, mixing with tears, end of the rainbow giving hope
Clouds: on horizons, silver linings, confused, unclear, foggy
Storms: lull before, brewing, sideways trees, hell or high water, trouble, change
Sun: baking, rain or shine, broad daylight, happiness, cloudless afternoon
Snow: white stuff, nipping at noses, bone chilling, winter wonderland, pure as, cleansing

This is just a quick list, so take your pick…and avoid them all. Instead, skip the first description that comes to mind and see if you can come up with something new and original.

Even better, consider the effect of the weather rather than the weather itself. As with all your descriptive pieces, include as many of the senses as you can…how does the weather sound, smell, taste, feel…as well as how it appears. Do the characters have to stop talking because the rain is so loud, or is the lightning so close that they can smell the ozone, or does the flavour of snowflakes on the tongue remind them of childhood? Be creative.

Just be certain to avoid On the Nose Writing where you describe some particular condition, then a character says or thinks exactly what that condition is supposed to mean. Use plenty of metaphors…and make up new ones!

Weather as a Writing Tool

Besides using weather to depict scenes, you can use it to indicate the mood of the characters, hint at some symbolism, or act as a complicating factor.

Mood: To establish the feeling of a scene, a sunshiny day will make your reader feel warm and happy…and an approaching storm will encourage them to anticipate upcoming dread. Also, instead of just watching out for those clichés mentioned earlier, you might want to flip them upside-down. Don’t have the character’s tears masked by rain, have such a bright sunshiny day that it seems the whole world is untouched by her difficulties…deepening her emotional pit—she’s the only one who feels that bad, isolating her even more.

Symbolism: Snow, softly falling on a clear winter night, could make a character pine for home and Christmas…even if he’s in a foxhole in the midst of combat. Your characters could even portray weather. Are any of them so bright and sunny that they are welcome wherever they go? Have any thundered his words? Or storm across a room? Use weather in descriptions and actions, hinting at ambiguous results…bad weather can make a scene more suspenseful, and a sunny day foretells a happy ending.

Complication: Your main character is about to solve the immediate problem…when a sudden downpour interrupts his search of the river bank. You can easily introduce more complications to the story by dropping in some weather. The worst of it is that the characters can’t really do anything about it—the weather isn’t under their control…even if you’re writing a fantasy novel (though it is under your control, so do something about it!).

More Weather

Picture a 90^th birthday party…the guests are all sitting around, quietly chatting, and the guest of honour is wandering through the crowd…when suddenly a storm strikes. If it’s an outdoor party, everyone might rush for cover, but the birthday girl instead dances in the rain, enjoying the chance to get away from all the formality. If it’s an indoor party, the power might go out, but instead of calling it quits and everyone going home, they just pull out their phones, light the room, and continue with the party.

—Don’t do the expected.

Picture an early spring morn…a slight fog filtering the sun’s rays, the sound of birds echoing across the field, frogs croaking down by the creek…and soldiers crawling through the mud. Use the weather to emphasise the discrepancies…bad news on a sunny beach, marriage proposal during a lull in the storm, bad guy surrounded by police on a warm summer afternoon.

—Contrasts make the details more intense.

The Importance of Character Names

2020 Nov 11 Wed2020 Sep 23 Wed by Westley

How important can character names be? I mean, if an orphan heading to wizard school were named Robert instead of Harry, would it really matter? How about an old miser named William instead of Ebenezer? What would you think of George the White? Not quite as catchy as Gandalf, is it?

But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed. —Iago, Othello Act 3 Scene 3

Finding the just-right name can be bothersome. Some authors spend hours, days, or even weeks trying to name their characters, both major and minor. Combing through phone books, searching cemeteries, reading old family trees—there are dozens of ways to find names, and any one of them could net you an iconic name that will be talked about for years…or trap you into a name…and a character…that is soon forgotten.

Names to Avoid

Naming your characters is similar to naming your children…very similar. You don’t want your children to be saddled with a name that will cause issues later in life (think of a boy named Sue), nor do you want the same for your characters. Some names are to be avoided…unless you really need that kind of character.

As simple and straightforward as it is, the name John has a lot of baggage dragging along. Men seeking prostitutes are always called John. When nature calls, you want a John. And you’ll find that there aren’t any Johns in the royal line…all because of King John, brother of King Richard the Lionhearted, purportedly the worst king in history. Go ahead and use that name…if that’s who your character is, but use it carefully.

To avoid confusing your readers, some editors recommend that every character have a name that starts with a different letter of the alphabet. That means if you have a Bill, you can’t have a Bob or a Betty. Mike prevents a Mitch or Melissa. A Robert precludes a Richard or a Rebecca. Tom blocks Terry or Teresa. For those of you writing immense tomes or a series, that would mean you can’t have more than 26 characters! We know that’s not true…as many of the walk-ons will never even get a name…but do try to keep the names you use different enough so that your readers don’t get the folks mixed up.

Selecting a Name

Names bring with them much more than the obvious. If your character has the wrong name, he might betray the inbuilt personality of the name. That could ruin the expectations of your readers and disappoint, or worse, annoy them. Many Name The Baby sites list etymologies, histories, and source languages of names. Check them out.

Gender assumptions are important, too. If you have a boy named Sue…or a girl named Bill…you’ll want to establish the non-standard name early on…unless you’re intending some sense of confusion in your reader, planning a surprising reveal later.

Also remember that many names get shortened down to nicknames, either by the author or by the other characters in the story, so make certain those diminutives fit as well.

Generators

As would be expected, the web is full of name generators. We’ve experimented with a few for you.

Reedsy allows you to pick from various languages sources, historical time periods, several deities, fantasy, and character archetypes (as well as having a lot of interesting articles that may help with writing in general).
Fantasy Name Generators has a long list of generators based on lots of different books, movies, and games, so if you’re into one of them, you’ll certainly find an appropriate name there.
Behind the Name lets you pick from a large list of nationalities as well as other sources. They also have an option to create a Life Story…rather interesting if you’re stuck for ideas.
Be A Better Writer some helpful ideas, then a quick generator that has only one option: gender. After that, you just keep clicking until you see one you like.
The Story Shack gives you six names at a time, either male or female, but you can flag them as favourites and see them all in a list. They also have waay too many other name generators on all kinds of topics…keep scrolling through the list and see what inspires you. (Lots of adverts, too.)
Pantomime Pony generates pairs of names with the same last name…siblings or spouses? It also has random plot, writing exercises, blank page, plot twist, character profile, first line, and location generators! If you’re stuck for ideas, here’s the place to go.
Masterpiece Generator has quite a few options and will even build a profile for you. Plenty of ideas here.
Name Generator Fun builds a quick list of 10 names and has options for other name categories.

Check out a few of them…if for no other reason than to see the wide expanse of options.

Test Them Out

Once you’ve narrowed the list down to a few potential names, you need to make certain they will work for your story. Also, some names could be pronounced differently, so you want to check to see how others might interpret your choice. What you need to do is take your list…just the bare list…and present it to your Critique Group, your friends, your family (I’ll bet they’re getting tired of all these requests by now), and ask them a series of questions about each name:

How would you pronounce it?
Is this character a good guy? or bad?
What time period, culture, or society do they belong in?
What kind of house do you see them in?
Who do you picture in your head?
What do they do for a living?
Does this name remind you of anyone?

If your test group has the same impression of the name as you hoped for, then you’ve got it.

BUT, if you still can’t come up with an appropriate name, just stick in a temporary one. You could call them badguy or girlfriend. (Remember to flag those temp names somehow. I use square brackets [], so I won’t miss seeing them…and accidently leave them in.)

Then, later, when the right name comes to you in the middle of the night, you can go back and switch them out. Just be careful—global search and replace may change Fran to Kate, but it will also change San Francisco to San Katecisco!

Repeating Yourself 2

2020 Oct 12 Mon2020 Sep 16 Wed by Westley

This month we’re going to continue our discussion from last month (Repeating Yourself 1) about repetition. If done correctly, the echo readers hear will resonate within them, making them remember your words all the more. The styles covered in this post are about words that repeat at the beginning or end of phrases. Both can be powerful…if used correctly. See if you can find a way to include either or both in your writing.

Epistrophe

From the Greek meaning ‘return’, this repetitive style uses the same word or phrase at the ends of a series. We already know that the end of a sentence, the end of a paragraph, the end of a story are the most powerful places for your ideas. Well, here we make certain the reader knows what that is. See these examples:

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
A government of the people, by the people, and for the people
See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared to what lies within us

If you really want your readers to take away an idea, repeat it…but carefully.

Anaphora

Here the Greek root means ‘carry back’, and similar to an epistrophe, this form also repeats, but this time at the beginning of a collection of phrases.

With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right
We cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground
This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England
Maybe it’s the way the mountains reach the clouds, maybe it’s the way the waterfalls dive off every cliff, maybe it’s the way everything is peaceful and quiet, or maybe it’s all of that combined
Every day, every night, in every way, I am getting better
I came, I saw, I conquered

Extreme Examples

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. (Probably the most famous example)
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. (Probably the longest example)

Not quite as powerful as epistrophe (according to some) but still very useful in getting your point across.

Symploce

Interestingly enough, if you combine anaphora and epistrophe, you get repetition at both ends of a phrase: symploce from the Greek ‘to weave together’. Here are a few examples:

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
For want of a horse the rider was lost.
For want of a rider the message was lost.
For want of a message the battle was lost.
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
Let England have its navigation and fleet
Let Scotland have its navigation and fleet
Let Wales have its navigation and fleet
Let Ireland have its navigation and fleet
I say it.
I voice it.
I proclaim it.
And I care not who in heaven or hell opposes it.
If there is a mountain, we climb it.
If there’s a frontier, we cross it.
If there’s a challenge, we tame it.
If there’s an opportunity, we seize it.
I could not,
I will not,
I cannot betray their trust.”

Well, that pretty much covers all the types of repetition that you may come across…there are more…lots more…but we’re going to leave it at this…for now. If we have some discussion about the various types, we may post a few more. Keep at it!

Blurb, Logline, Pitch…what’s the difference?

2021 Jan 20 Wed2020 Sep 9 Wed by Westley

In the writing world, there are different ways to promote your material…and they differ based on their targets. Trying to get a potential reader to buy your book is the job of both the Logline and the Blurb, whereas a Pitch is designed to convince Agents or Acquisition Editors to take you on. If you’re into Self-Publishing, then you probably won’t need a Pitch as much, but if you ever plan to sell your work to someone you don’t know, you’ll need a good Logline as well as a Blurb. We covered a step-by-step process for creating Loglines previously, so this time we’ll take that Logline and expand it into a full blown Blurb.

A Blurb is defined as a short description that praises your work so that people will want to buy it, but there are two different kinds: the ones written by others…and the one we are going to create here…written by you. In either case, you’ll use it on your back cover, so readers who have been attracted to your front cover…or title…will be convinced that they need to read the whole thing.

Build a Blurb from a Logline

Starting with a Logline of fewer than 50 words or an Elevator Speech of 50-75 words, we are going to build up a Blurb, perfect for your back cover. Although we covered Loglines in depth when we discussed the difference between Loglines and Taglines, let’s go over a quick description first as a reminder. A Logline consists of:

A short description of your Main Character (no name)
A bit of setting
A reference to the Inciting Event
A twist to the story
A reason to care about the characters
The stakes involved
A ticking clock

In that previous post, we had developed the following Logline.

A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts. Using some experimental technology, they plan to travel far to experience a new world where they discover more about themselves than they expected. They have to make some crucial decisions to ensure that all return safely before the door to the new world closes.

Add More

We have the bits…just need to expand the concepts. A blurb can be a few short paragraphs, 300-400 words, so we have plenty of room to include more info…the first of which is the main character’s name.

Benjamin, a former boy scout

We can also bring in the Antagonist…whether he’s a single person, an organisation, a force of nature, or some other issue. In this case, the Enemy is unidentified, though we can bring up the fact that they are no longer under the influence of the current world.

rules no longer apply…no social restraints and no one watching

We can show a scene filling in details about the Inciting Event, explaining why now is the time for a change in their lives. We can also introduce some secondary characters along the way…explaining more of the situation.

some of his old scout buddies
before they go their separate ways into the adult world
Eric, the nerd of the group, offers some technology
a Door that opens onto a new world
a week-long hunting expedition to explore

We can also expand on the stakes. What will happen if the Protagonist doesn’t achieve his goal? In this story, their safety is at risk.

keep the group together

As well as the twist…something that makes the story interesting and unexpected…possibly increasing the obvious conflict or adding a new struggle to contend with.

some experimental technology
plan to travel far
experience a new world
they discover more about themselves than they expected

Finally we can expand on the clock, giving more information about how it all works.

hoping to make it back to the Door when it opens

That should complete the expansions.

Put it all together

Now that we’ve expanded the info, we need to put it together into a distinct whole, adding connections.

One last great adventure…that’s all he wanted, so Benjamin, now in his early twenties, gets together with some of his old scout buddies to make plans before they go their separate ways into the adult world. Pushed by Eric, the nerd of the group, they accept his offer of some experimental technology he has access to: a Door that opens onto a new, distant world.
The scouts agree to a week-long hunting expedition to explore this new world, but when they arrive, they realise that the rules they’ve lived with no longer apply…there are no social restraints and no one watching. With this new freedom, they discover more about themselves than they had thought possible.
Ben struggles to keep the group together as factions split the friends apart. In the attempt to reunite the troops, they all have to make crucial decisions to ensure that everyone makes it back safely to the Door when it opens…and that they get through before it closes.

This one is a bit short, giving us plenty of room for the other type of Blurb: quotes from others…either someone who has read the book or someone who knows that we are the only one who could have written it. We could ask fellow authors, specialists in the field, or reviewers to give some ideas to use (here is not where you put your mother’s commendations!).

“The struggles these characters face are the same as society as a whole faces daily.”—Sociology Expert.
“The way Eric talks is so entertaining…sounds like a walking encyclopaedia.”—Gushing Fan.
“Could be the start of a series…I look forward to this author’s next works.”—Dedicated Follower.

Try to Avoid

Although she really means it, and you really like it, try to avoid including any obviously gratuitous quotes.

“I love the way the author has put this story together and would be thrilled to read anything else he writes.”—Author’s mother.

Product Placement

2020 Oct 8 Thu2020 Sep 2 Wed by Westley

If you get this comment on your ms, it’s because you’ve included some detail that doesn’t seem appropriate. If you keep Chekhov’s Gun in mind, this shouldn’t be a worry, but too often we’ve seen authors who don’t even realise they are doing it. We hope to help those authors, as well.

There are two kinds of product placement: Intentional and Unintentional. The biggest concern is with Intentional…but the slipperiest is Unintentional, so we’ll tackle that first.

Unintentional Product Placement

Too often, we’ve seen the use of informal or slang language inadvertently drop in product names. Over all, there aren’t any real problems with casual speech, especially if your characters are talking, but in some cases, it can cause careless name dropping.

It tends to happen when trademarked names get used in the generic, such as ‘Kleenex®’ instead of ‘tissue’, or ‘Clorox®’ instead of ‘bleach’. If you’re uncertain whether a name you’ve been using for years is in fact a trademarked name, just do a web search and see how it’s used. If you really want to dig into it, check out the US Patent and Trademark Office <uspto.gov> to see how the term is properly used.

In fact, this problem is so wide spread that most folks don’t even realise they are doing it. One time, we had an author who, because of where he was brought up, thought that all refrigerators were named Frigidaire, so every time he went to put the milk away, he’d say, “I’ll go put it in the Frigidaire”, even if it was actually a GE, Whirlpool, Samsung, Kenmore, Maytag or some other brand. Apparently his entire family…back a dozen generations…always called the ice box a Frigidaire, and he didn’t see anything wrong with that.

In casual conversation…in real life…that level of inaccuracy isn’t really an issue (though it may annoy some), but when you want to share your words with the world, you should be more precise and less colloquial. Folks from other parts of the world may not know that Frigidaire is a popular brand of refrigerator…because where they are from, it isn’t.

Intentional Product Placement

The real concern is when authors feel they just have to specify an exact brand or model of some object in their story, probably because they have a specific one in mind or they have one right at hand to look at. If some particular detail is significant in your story, you will include that…but just that, not the particular brand name. In the examples below, you’ll see that mentioning someone speed shifting by smashing the accelerator to the floor in the midst of a shift would be important, but not the name on the outside of the car. Whether someone has to stop to reload a cylinder or just slams in a new magazine would have a definite effect on the action, but the make of the gun would not.

Just remember…the operation of an item is important, not what’s printed on it. You’ll find that the precise make or model of an item doesn’t really add much to the story…as long as you include how the characters have to deal with it. Try to picture the item in the hands of your characters…what do they do with it? How do they make it work? What special features do they have to deal with? That’s what you need to include.

Examples

Here’s a table listing various events that could be happening in your story. We consider how unimportant brand might be…but how important a piece of telling detail might be.

If…	It doesn’t matter if it’s a…	*But it does* make a difference if it’s a…**
The good guy is escaping in a car	Ford or Chevy	Manual or Automatic
The girlfriend is putting on makeup	Revlon or Sephora	Old Lady Burgundy or Hot Young Thing Scarlet
The bad guy is shooting people	Colt or Remington	Revolver or automatic pistol
The mother is going shopping	Macy’s or Target	Mall full of people or an almost abandoned strip mall in the bad part of town
The chef is slicing tomatoes	Victorinox or Kiwi	Fillet or cleaver
The mentor is checking his watch	Rolex or Seiko	Digital or analogue
The brother is making a sandwich	Wonder bread or Killer Dave’s	Whole wheat or sourdough
The maid is vacuuming	Hoover or Kirby	Manual or electric
The son is playing a video game	Samsung or Nintendo	Phone or console

As you can see, the relevant detail may need to be mentioned…or at least alluded to. Stopping to think about that detail may give you an opportunity to include even more descriptions that help the reader see the scene.