Avoiding On the Nose Writing

This term may be new to those of you who aren’t into script writing. Script writers use this term to describe dialogue that really should be turned into action scenes. You’ve been warned to Avoid Clichés (old tired metaphors and similes) but now we’re going to discuss what happens if you don’t use any complexities (such as metaphors or similes) in your writing.

If you ever see this comment (On the Nose) written on your edited ms, it’s because you have characters telling what they feel instead of showing it. You are letting the characters give the reader facts—cold, dry facts. Sometimes the silent action between dialogue gives the best idea of what’s going on, and don’t forget to include Sub Text. Let the characters do something, rather than just talk about it. It also applies if you are stating facts, too. Try to be a little creative in how you give the reader information.

Just the Facts Ma’am

  • On the Nose
    1. She said, “I’m sad.”
    2. He said, “I’m mad.”
    3. She said, “I’m scared.”
    4. He typed up the letter as fast as he could.
    5. He walked into the boss’s office with the file folder full of pictures.
  • Using Creative Language
    1. She flopped into the armchair and sighed, her gaze slowly scanning the room through tear-filled eyes.
    2. He stared across the room, turned slowly, and put his fist through the wall.
    3. She screamed as she dove for cover under the table.
    4. His fingers flew over the keyboard, buzzing like flies escaping the swatter.
    5. He strode like a giant into management hell clutching the cold as ice evidence.

Too Much Info (TMI)

This note also applies if you are giving too much detail that doesn’t move the story along. Don’t try to pad your word count with irrelevant information. If the reader should be able to figure out what’s going on, let him.

  • On the Nose
    1. Her phone chimed, letting her know a call was coming in. She dropped her purse on the table, opened it, and dug through. Finding her phone, she hit the green button, and put it to her ear.
    2. He pulled out a key as he approached the car. Putting it into the keyhole, he gave it a sharp twist and smirked as the lock popped open. He pulled the door and got in, started the car, and drove off.
    3. He took the file folder from the filing cabinet where it had sat for years and dusted it off, putting it on the table in the middle of the room. Flipping it open, he smiled at the first picture he saw inside it.
  • Cut to the Essence
    1. Her phone rang, and she answered it.
    2. He jimmied the lock, and rocketed off in the stolen car.
    3. Pulling the dusty folder from the drawer, he was relieved to see her picture had survived.

It’s all back to Show Don’t Tell, but you don’t want to show unnecessary action. Keep it down to what’s needed to get the idea across. You can also try to make your story more refreshing by using some creative language—use a few more metaphors or similes…that you’ve created! Be imaginative, entertain us, make us stop and think for a moment. Don’t bore us with what’s happening…make us experience the story in a whole new way.