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Discussions at an Advanced level

Weather in Your Book

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People are always talking about the weather…at least in real life, so why not in your book? Weather can have an incredible impact…not only in real life, but in fiction as well. It is constantly affecting us, so why shouldn’t it be included in any story you tell? It can be used to set a mood, suggest events yet to come, or act as a complication to the aims of the characters, and calling attention to the weather makes the world seem real, inviting the readers to experience the story more fully. Even just a bit of weather will enhance the interest in your story.

If you don’t involve the weather, you not only fail to use an effective tool, but also your readers might have a vague feeling that something is missing…fortunately a quick mention is all that’s needed. Right at the beginning of a scene, just make a quick remark about the weather, then move on. Your readers will picture the scene more fully and feel included. Just as you don’t want talking heads in a dark room, you don’t want to leave the whole world in the dark…enlighten your readers with a general setting of weather. If you don’t…if there is never rain, snow, or wind…and the temperature is a constant mild warm, then it must be a future story, and the climate is under total control…of the government. Hmmm….

Weather as a Description

When you’re adding in the weather as a minor scene setting, you have a rare opportunity to Tell, not Show, so take advantage of it! However, you may find that the best way is actually not to tell what the weather is…but to show how your characters are reacting to it. (There we are, back to Show, don’t Tell.) The weather by itself could be, and should be, boring, but how people respond to it is critical. Be certain to use plenty of good, solid, descriptive words, with as many of the senses as you can. It isn’t just cold—the wind is whistling around the corner of the house making Amy’s cheeks burn.

Weather to Avoid

Be aware of the many clichés that abound when discussing the weather:

  • Rain: lashing, ducks, parades, never rains but pours, depressing, funerals, mixing with tears, end of the rainbow giving hope
  • Clouds: on horizons, silver linings, confused, unclear, foggy
  • Storms: lull before, brewing, sideways trees, hell or high water, trouble, change
  • Sun: baking, rain or shine, broad daylight, happiness, cloudless afternoon
  • Snow: white stuff, nipping at noses, bone chilling, winter wonderland, pure as, cleansing

This is just a quick list, so take your pick…and avoid them all. Instead, skip the first description that comes to mind and see if you can come up with something new and original.

Even better, consider the effect of the weather rather than the weather itself. As with all your descriptive pieces, include as many of the senses as you can…how does the weather sound, smell, taste, feel…as well as how it appears. Do the characters have to stop talking because the rain is so loud, or is the lightning so close that they can smell the ozone, or does the flavour of snowflakes on the tongue remind them of childhood? Be creative.

Just be certain to avoid On the Nose Writing where you describe some particular condition, then a character says or thinks exactly what that condition is supposed to mean. Use plenty of metaphors…and make up new ones!

Weather as a Writing Tool

Besides using weather to depict scenes, you can use it to indicate the mood of the characters, hint at some symbolism, or act as a complicating factor.

Mood: To establish the feeling of a scene, a sunshiny day will make your reader feel warm and happy…and an approaching storm will encourage them to anticipate upcoming dread. Also, instead of just watching out for those clichés mentioned earlier, you might want to flip them upside-down. Don’t have the character’s tears masked by rain, have such a bright sunshiny day that it seems the whole world is untouched by her difficulties…deepening her emotional pit—she’s the only one who feels that bad, isolating her even more.

Symbolism: Snow, softly falling on a clear winter night, could make a character pine for home and Christmas…even if he’s in a foxhole in the midst of combat. Your characters could even portray weather. Are any of them so bright and sunny that they are welcome wherever they go? Have any thundered his words? Or storm across a room? Use weather in descriptions and actions, hinting at ambiguous results…bad weather can make a scene more suspenseful, and a sunny day foretells a happy ending.

Complication: Your main character is about to solve the immediate problem…when a sudden downpour interrupts his search of the river bank. You can easily introduce more complications to the story by dropping in some weather. The worst of it is that the characters can’t really do anything about it—the weather isn’t under their control…even if you’re writing a fantasy novel (though it is under your control, so do something about it!).

More Weather

Picture a 90th birthday party…the guests are all sitting around, quietly chatting, and the guest of honour is wandering through the crowd…when suddenly a storm strikes. If it’s an outdoor party, everyone might rush for cover, but the birthday girl instead dances in the rain, enjoying the chance to get away from all the formality. If it’s an indoor party, the power might go out, but instead of calling it quits and everyone going home, they just pull out their phones, light the room, and continue with the party.

—Don’t do the expected.

Picture an early spring morn…a slight fog filtering the sun’s rays, the sound of birds echoing across the field, frogs croaking down by the creek…and soldiers crawling through the mud. Use the weather to emphasise the discrepancies…bad news on a sunny beach, marriage proposal during a lull in the storm, bad guy surrounded by police on a warm summer afternoon.

—Contrasts make the details more intense.

The Importance of Character Names

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How important can character names be? I mean, if an orphan heading to wizard school were named Robert instead of Harry, would it really matter? How about an old miser named William instead of Ebenezer? What would you think of George the White? Not quite as catchy as Gandalf, is it?

But he that filches from me my good name Robs me of that which not enriches him And makes me poor indeed. —Iago, Othello Act 3 Scene 3

Finding the just-right name can be bothersome. Some authors spend hours, days, or even weeks trying to name their characters, both major and minor. Combing through phone books, searching cemeteries, reading old family trees—there are dozens of ways to find names, and any one of them could net you an iconic name that will be talked about for years…or trap you into a name…and a character…that is soon forgotten.

Names to Avoid

Naming your characters is similar to naming your children…very similar. You don’t want your children to be saddled with a name that will cause issues later in life (think of a boy named Sue), nor do you want the same for your characters. Some names are to be avoided…unless you really need that kind of character.

As simple and straightforward as it is, the name John has a lot of baggage dragging along. Men seeking prostitutes are always called John. When nature calls, you want a John. And you’ll find that there aren’t any Johns in the royal line…all because of King John, brother of King Richard the Lionhearted, purportedly the worst king in history. Go ahead and use that name…if that’s who your character is, but use it carefully.

To avoid confusing your readers, some editors recommend that every character have a name that starts with a different letter of the alphabet. That means if you have a Bill, you can’t have a Bob or a Betty. Mike prevents a Mitch or Melissa. A Robert precludes a Richard or a Rebecca. Tom blocks Terry or Teresa. For those of you writing immense tomes or a series, that would mean you can’t have more than 26 characters! We know that’s not true…as many of the walk-ons will never even get a name…but do try to keep the names you use different enough so that your readers don’t get the folks mixed up.

Selecting a Name

Names bring with them much more than the obvious. If your character has the wrong name, he might betray the inbuilt personality of the name. That could ruin the expectations of your readers and disappoint, or worse, annoy them. Many Name The Baby sites list etymologies, histories, and source languages of names. Check them out.

Gender assumptions are important, too. If you have a boy named Sue…or a girl named Bill…you’ll want to establish the non-standard name early on…unless you’re intending some sense of confusion in your reader, planning a surprising reveal later.

Also remember that many names get shortened down to nicknames, either by the author or by the other characters in the story, so make certain those diminutives fit as well.

Generators

As would be expected, the web is full of name generators. We’ve experimented with a few for you.

  • Reedsy allows you to pick from various languages sources, historical time periods, several deities, fantasy, and character archetypes (as well as having a lot of interesting articles that may help with writing in general).
  • Fantasy Name Generators has a long list of generators based on lots of different books, movies, and games, so if you’re into one of them, you’ll certainly find an appropriate name there.
  • Behind the Name lets you pick from a large list of nationalities as well as other sources. They also have an option to create a Life Story…rather interesting if you’re stuck for ideas.
  • Be A Better Writer some helpful ideas, then a quick generator that has only one option: gender. After that, you just keep clicking until you see one you like.
  • The Story Shack gives you six names at a time, either male or female, but you can flag them as favourites and see them all in a list. They also have waay too many other name generators on all kinds of topics…keep scrolling through the list and see what inspires you. (Lots of adverts, too.)
  • Pantomime Pony generates pairs of names with the same last name…siblings or spouses? It also has random plot, writing exercises, blank page, plot twist, character profile, first line, and location generators! If you’re stuck for ideas, here’s the place to go.
  • Masterpiece Generator has quite a few options and will even build a profile for you. Plenty of ideas here.
  • Name Generator Fun builds a quick list of 10 names and has options for other name categories.

Check out a few of them…if for no other reason than to see the wide expanse of options.

Test Them Out

Once you’ve narrowed the list down to a few potential names, you need to make certain they will work for your story. Also, some names could be pronounced differently, so you want to check to see how others might interpret your choice. What you need to do is take your list…just the bare list…and present it to your Critique Group, your friends, your family (I’ll bet they’re getting tired of all these requests by now), and ask them a series of questions about each name:

  • How would you pronounce it?
  • Is this character a good guy? or bad?
  • What time period, culture, or society do they belong in?
  • What kind of house do you see them in?
  • Who do you picture in your head?
  • What do they do for a living?
  • Does this name remind you of anyone?

If your test group has the same impression of the name as you hoped for, then you’ve got it.

BUT, if you still can’t come up with an appropriate name, just stick in a temporary one. You could call them badguy or girlfriend. (Remember to flag those temp names somehow. I use square brackets [], so I won’t miss seeing them…and accidently leave them in.)

Then, later, when the right name comes to you in the middle of the night, you can go back and switch them out. Just be careful—global search and replace may change Fran to Kate, but it will also change San Francisco to San Katecisco!

Repeating Yourself 2

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This month we’re going to continue our discussion from last month (Repeating Yourself 1) about repetition. If done correctly, the echo readers hear will resonate within them, making them remember your words all the more. The styles covered in this post are about words that repeat at the beginning or end of phrases. Both can be powerful…if used correctly. See if you can find a way to include either or both in your writing.

Epistrophe

From the Greek meaning ‘return’, this repetitive style uses the same word or phrase at the ends of a series. We already know that the end of a sentence, the end of a paragraph, the end of a story are the most powerful places for your ideas. Well, here we make certain the reader knows what that is. See these examples:

  • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth
  • A government of the people, by the people, and for the people
  • See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil
  • When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child
  • What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny compared to what lies within us

If you really want your readers to take away an idea, repeat it…but carefully.

Anaphora

Here the Greek root means ‘carry back’, and similar to an epistrophe, this form also repeats, but this time at the beginning of a collection of phrases.

  • With malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right
  • We cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow this ground
  • This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this England
  • Maybe it’s the way the mountains reach the clouds, maybe it’s the way the waterfalls dive off every cliff, maybe it’s the way everything is peaceful and quiet, or maybe it’s all of that combined
  • Every day, every night, in every way, I am getting better
  • I came, I saw, I conquered

Extreme Examples

  • It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair. (Probably the most famous example)
  • A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance; A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. (Probably the longest example)

Not quite as powerful as epistrophe (according to some) but still very useful in getting your point across.

Symploce

Interestingly enough, if you combine anaphora and epistrophe, you get repetition at both ends of a phrase: symploce from the Greek ‘to weave together’. Here are a few examples:

  • For want of a nail the shoe was lost.
    For want of a shoe the horse was lost.
    For want of a horse the rider was lost.
    For want of a rider the message was lost.
    For want of a message the battle was lost.
    For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.
    And all for the want of a horseshoe nail.
  • Let England have its navigation and fleet
    Let Scotland have its navigation and fleet
    Let Wales have its navigation and fleet
    Let Ireland have its navigation and fleet
  • I say it.
    I voice it.
    I proclaim it.
    And I care not who in heaven or hell opposes it.
  • If there is a mountain, we climb it.
    If there’s a frontier, we cross it.
    If there’s a challenge, we tame it.
    If there’s an opportunity, we seize it.
  • I could not,
    I will not,
    I cannot betray their trust.”

Well, that pretty much covers all the types of repetition that you may come across…there are more…lots more…but we’re going to leave it at this…for now. If we have some discussion about the various types, we may post a few more. Keep at it!

Blurb, Logline, Pitch…what’s the difference?

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In the writing world, there are different ways to promote your material…and they differ based on their targets. Trying to get a potential reader to buy your book is the job of both the Logline and the Blurb, whereas a Pitch is designed to convince Agents or Acquisition Editors to take you on. If you’re into Self-Publishing, then you probably won’t need a Pitch as much, but if you ever plan to sell your work to someone you don’t know, you’ll need a good Logline as well as a Blurb. We covered a step-by-step process for creating Loglines previously, so this time we’ll take that Logline and expand it into a full blown Blurb.

A Blurb is defined as a short description that praises your work so that people will want to buy it, but there are two different kinds: the ones written by others…and the one we are going to create here…written by you. In either case, you’ll use it on your back cover, so readers who have been attracted to your front cover…or title…will be convinced that they need to read the whole thing.

Build a Blurb from a Logline

Starting with a Logline of fewer than 50 words or an Elevator Speech of 50-75 words, we are going to build up a Blurb, perfect for your back cover. Although we covered Loglines in depth when we discussed the difference between Loglines and Taglines, let’s go over a quick description first as a reminder. A Logline consists of:

  • A short description of your Main Character (no name)
  • A bit of setting
  • A reference to the Inciting Event
  • A twist to the story
  • A reason to care about the characters
  • The stakes involved
  • A ticking clock

In that previous post, we had developed the following Logline.

  • A former boy scout, now in his early twenties, is finishing up college and arranges one last great adventure with some fellow scouts. Using some experimental technology, they plan to travel far to experience a new world where they discover more about themselves than they expected. They have to make some crucial decisions to ensure that all return safely before the door to the new world closes.

Add More

We have the bits…just need to expand the concepts. A blurb can be a few short paragraphs, 300-400 words, so we have plenty of room to include more info…the first of which is the main character’s name.

  • Benjamin, a former boy scout

We can also bring in the Antagonist…whether he’s a single person, an organisation, a force of nature, or some other issue. In this case, the Enemy is unidentified, though we can bring up the fact that they are no longer under the influence of the current world.

  • rules no longer apply…no social restraints and no one watching

We can show a scene filling in details about the Inciting Event, explaining why now is the time for a change in their lives. We can also introduce some secondary characters along the way…explaining more of the situation.

  • some of his old scout buddies
  • before they go their separate ways into the adult world
  • Eric, the nerd of the group, offers some technology
  • a Door that opens onto a new world
  • a week-long hunting expedition to explore

We can also expand on the stakes. What will happen if the Protagonist doesn’t achieve his goal? In this story, their safety is at risk.

  • keep the group together

As well as the twist…something that makes the story interesting and unexpected…possibly increasing the obvious conflict or adding a new struggle to contend with.

  • some experimental technology
  • plan to travel far
  • experience a new world
  • they discover more about themselves than they expected

Finally we can expand on the clock, giving more information about how it all works.

  • hoping to make it back to the Door when it opens

That should complete the expansions.

Put it all together

Now that we’ve expanded the info, we need to put it together into a distinct whole, adding connections.

  • One last great adventure…that’s all he wanted, so Benjamin, now in his early twenties, gets together with some of his old scout buddies to make plans before they go their separate ways into the adult world. Pushed by Eric, the nerd of the group, they accept his offer of some experimental technology he has access to: a Door that opens onto a new, distant world.
  • The scouts agree to a week-long hunting expedition to explore this new world, but when they arrive, they realise that the rules they’ve lived with no longer apply…there are no social restraints and no one watching. With this new freedom, they discover more about themselves than they had thought possible.
  • Ben struggles to keep the group together as factions split the friends apart. In the attempt to reunite the troops, they all have to make crucial decisions to ensure that everyone makes it back safely to the Door when it opens…and that they get through before it closes.

This one is a bit short, giving us plenty of room for the other type of Blurb: quotes from others…either someone who has read the book or someone who knows that we are the only one who could have written it. We could ask fellow authors, specialists in the field, or reviewers to give some ideas to use (here is not where you put your mother’s commendations!).

  • “The struggles these characters face are the same as society as a whole faces daily.”—Sociology Expert.
  • “The way Eric talks is so entertaining…sounds like a walking encyclopaedia.”—Gushing Fan.
  • “Could be the start of a series…I look forward to this author’s next works.”—Dedicated Follower.

Try to Avoid

Although she really means it, and you really like it, try to avoid including any obviously gratuitous quotes.

  • “I love the way the author has put this story together and would be thrilled to read anything else he writes.”—Author’s mother.

Product Placement

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If you get this comment on your ms, it’s because you’ve included some detail that doesn’t seem appropriate. If you keep Chekhov’s Gun in mind, this shouldn’t be a worry, but too often we’ve seen authors who don’t even realise they are doing it. We hope to help those authors, as well.

There are two kinds of product placement: Intentional and Unintentional. The biggest concern is with Intentional…but the slipperiest is Unintentional, so we’ll tackle that first.

Unintentional Product Placement

Too often, we’ve seen the use of informal or slang language inadvertently drop in product names. Over all, there aren’t any real problems with casual speech, especially if your characters are talking, but in some cases, it can cause careless name dropping.

It tends to happen when trademarked names get used in the generic, such as ‘Kleenex®’ instead of ‘tissue’, or ‘Clorox®’ instead of ‘bleach’. If you’re uncertain whether a name you’ve been using for years is in fact a trademarked name, just do a web search and see how it’s used. If you really want to dig into it, check out the US Patent and Trademark Office <uspto.gov> to see how the term is properly used.

In fact, this problem is so wide spread that most folks don’t even realise they are doing it. One time, we had an author who, because of where he was brought up, thought that all refrigerators were named Frigidaire, so every time he went to put the milk away, he’d say, “I’ll go put it in the Frigidaire”, even if it was actually a GE, Whirlpool, Samsung, Kenmore, Maytag or some other brand. Apparently his entire family…back a dozen generations…always called the ice box a Frigidaire, and he didn’t see anything wrong with that.

In casual conversation…in real life…that level of inaccuracy isn’t really an issue (though it may annoy some), but when you want to share your words with the world, you should be more precise and less colloquial. Folks from other parts of the world may not know that Frigidaire is a popular brand of refrigerator…because where they are from, it isn’t.

Intentional Product Placement

The real concern is when authors feel they just have to specify an exact brand or model of some object in their story, probably because they have a specific one in mind or they have one right at hand to look at. If some particular detail is significant in your story, you will include that…but just that, not the particular brand name. In the examples below, you’ll see that mentioning someone speed shifting by smashing the accelerator to the floor in the midst of a shift would be important, but not the name on the outside of the car. Whether someone has to stop to reload a cylinder or just slams in a new magazine would have a definite effect on the action, but the make of the gun would not.

Just remember…the operation of an item is important, not what’s printed on it. You’ll find that the precise make or model of an item doesn’t really add much to the story…as long as you include how the characters have to deal with it. Try to picture the item in the hands of your characters…what do they do with it? How do they make it work? What special features do they have to deal with? That’s what you need to include.

Examples

Here’s a table listing various events that could be happening in your story. We consider how unimportant brand might be…but how important a piece of telling detail might be.

If… It doesn’t matter if it’s a… But it does make a difference if it’s a…
The good guy is
 escaping in a car		 Ford or
 Chevy		 Manual or
 Automatic
The girlfriend is
 putting on makeup		 Revlon or
 Sephora		 Old Lady Burgundy or
 Hot Young Thing Scarlet
The bad guy is
 shooting people		 Colt or
 Remington		 Revolver or
 automatic pistol
The mother is
 going shopping		 Macy’s or
 Target		 Mall full of people or
 an almost abandoned strip
 mall in the bad part of town
The chef is
 slicing tomatoes		 Victorinox or
 Kiwi		 Fillet or
 cleaver
The mentor is
 checking his watch		 Rolex or
 Seiko		 Digital or
 analogue
The brother is
 making a sandwich		 Wonder bread or
 Killer Dave’s		 Whole wheat or
 sourdough
The maid is
 vacuuming		 Hoover or
 Kirby		 Manual or
 electric
The son is
 playing a video game		 Samsung or
 Nintendo		 Phone or
 console

As you can see, the relevant detail may need to be mentioned…or at least alluded to. Stopping to think about that detail may give you an opportunity to include even more descriptions that help the reader see the scene.

Sponsors

On the other hand, if you manage to get Victorinox or Macy’s or Colt to fund your writing, then of course, you need to include their name in your story. If you want, you can even have the good guy use a Colt while the bad guy uses a Remington. That would be a plus for the one and a minus for the other, a technique that’s been used before. In fact, Apple doesn’t mind if their products are visible on the big screen…as long as none of the bad guys have any!

Plotter vs. Pantser

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As many of you know, there are two ways to approach writing: as a Plotter or a Pantser. Plotters like to plan out the entire story before they ever start writing, whereas Pantsers prefer to start writing before they even think about what’s going to happen. Both methods can work, though we feel that there are issues with both.

From my background with programming computers, I am familiar with similar approaches to writing code, known as Top-Down and Bottom-Up. We’ll compare and contrast the two methods.

Plotters or Top-Down

In Top-Down programming, the programmer states the justification for the program as succinctly as possible, identifying all the major functions needed. The fact that those functions are still unwritten isn’t an issue…all we are doing at this step is naming them…describing what they will do comes later. Using the Plotter method in writing, the entire novel is also captured in a few sentences, known as the Logline, and we already know the names of the major ‘functions’ we need: the Five Plot Points.

In our program, now that we’ve named the major functions, we take each one and describe in detail what it is supposed to do, including identifying any other functions it may need to call. Similarly, keeping the Logline in mind, we expand each of the Plot Points into a few short paragraphs.

In programming, we then recursively build each of the newly identified functions…that means that if we need more functions inside the other functions, we just keep identifying…then defining…deeper and deeper until we are down to basic commands. In writing, we do the same thing: we take the big picture of each Plot Point and create the three acts, describing the action in more and more detail. Those acts are then spread out across various chapters, each with short sketches of what is to occur. Then we take those chapters and break them down into Scenes and Sequels, which are then in turn broken down to their individual Goals, Conflicts, and Disasters, and Reactions, Dilemmas, and Choices, finally arriving at the basic parts of writing.

Each step takes something big and progressively breaks it into smaller pieces, until we have all the details worked out. That’s why this method is also known as Stepwise Refinement.

Positive and Negative Points

  • You know where you’re going…all you need to do is figure out how to get there.
  • Because you don’t have to work on it beginning to end, you can choose which branch to detail next.
  • You have a Logline to guide you, so you know what’s appropriate in each scene.
  • You have to do a lot of work before you have anything you can show to others for critique, and that critique may suggest significant changes.
  • Because you aren’t necessarily writing straight through, some revelation at the end may change the beginning or vice versa.
  •  If a change, no matter how slight, is made to the upper level of the program or the novel, you will need to rewrite much of it to filter that change down through the rest of the project, often resulting in scenes that no longer belong. (Save them for the next project!)

Pantsers or Bottom-Up

In a Bottom-Up design, the programmer creates some simple functions with basic commands, then combines those functions to make more complicated ones…combining again and again until we have a complete program. We just link each newly created function with others, calling them in the right order, to create a new design. It’s similar to building with Legos: We assemble basic blocks to make walls, floors, and people…then put those together to build a house with occupants. The problem sometimes is in matching the walls to each other or to the floors. Occasionally we have to slightly dismantle the structures we already have, fitting them back together as the design progresses.

In both cases, we have a bunch of pre-made pieces, and just stick them together…but it’s how we put them together makes all the difference.

In writing, many Pantsers already have separate scenes they’ve created years ago…and floating around in a binder or two. Characters may exist as well, even with entire Character Sheets previously filled out. As with the Legos, trying to link some of those isolated scenes may be difficult, as the ending of one may not quite match up with the beginning of the next…so you’ll need to customise one or the other to fit. Also, some of those characters may only be close to what we need, so they, too, may need some tweaking.

Often there is no overarching goal, no Logline, so the storyline has no place to aim, resulting in Plot Points that all point in different directions.

The Good and the Bad

  • You already have pieces (both characters and scenes) already sitting around just waiting to be used.
  • Your characters have been living in your head for so long, you know them as you would a friend or sibling.
  • You can share scenes with your Critique Partners to get feedback on where they think the story should head.
  • Because you don’t know what’s going to happen next, your characters might end up putting you into a corner that you’ll have a tough time getting out of.
  • You won’t necessarily have a Logline to guide you, so the story may wander around a bit before stabilising.
  • As you stick scenes together, making them fit may break something inside, requiring more rewrite to make it flow.

Which is better?

We can’t say that one method is better than the other…as long as it fits in with your writing style. What we can say is that often programmers and writers use both in the same project, so experiment and see where it takes you.

Repeating Yourself 1

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We’re going to discuss the first of a few rather interesting stylistic options this month…ones that you may have seen but didn’t even know had a name, and we’ll see about covering a few more next month . All of them appear in poetic writing and have to do with repeating ideas, but they differ in how the repetition is done. Redundancy can be good…as long as it’s not overdone, but if your writing is full of reduplications, your readers may get tired of it. Keep your use of repetitions under control, and you can use the following techniques for emphasis or to establish a character trait.

Pleonasm

When you use too many words to get an idea across, you may be accused of rambling or having verborrhea (the medical term is more properly logorrhea). Many readers will complain if you go on and on without getting to the point, but sometimes it works…as long as you are doing it with some plan in mind. The word ‘pleonasm’ comes from the Greek ‘pleon’ meaning ‘more, too much, or most’ and refers to redundant words. Let me list some examples:

  • Burning fire (fire always burns)
  • Dark night (night is always dark…unless you’re making the point that this night is moonless)
  • Redundant and pleonastic (synonyms)
  • Two separate cars (cars are always separate)
  • Free gift (aren’t all gifts inherently free?)
  • Completely destroyed (can it be only partially destroyed?)
  • Shrugged her shoulders (what else can you shrug?)
  • Nodded his head (can you nod something else?)

Some pleonastic words exist because of mixing languages together. Consider:

  • Pizza pie (‘pizza’ is Italian for ‘pie’)
  • River Avon (‘avon’ is Welsh for ‘river’)
  • Head honcho (‘hancho’ is Japanese for ‘group leader’)
  • Chai tea (‘chá (茶) is Chinese for ‘tea’)
  • Mount Fujiyama (‘Fujiyama’ is Japanese for ‘Fuji Mountain’)

So, repeating yourself to stress some important point (consider Chekhov’s Gun) or show that a character always talks like that is perfectly fine…just make certain you’re doing it intentionally and not out of habit.

Chiasmus

This form of repetition switches things around, in fact the word comes to us from the Greek ‘chiázō’, meaning ‘shaped like the letter chi (which became our English ‘X’) as it reverses the concepts being repeated. It takes a pair of concepts in a statement and presents them in reversed order in the next. The arrangement helps make the idea memorable, so it works well when presenting reasons for consideration. Here are some examples:

  • By day the frolic, and the dance by night
  • Despised, if ugly; if she’s fair, betrayed
  • Who dotes, yet doubts; suspects, yet strongly loves
  • Love without end, and without measure Grace
  • She went to church, but to the bar went he
  • She has all my love; my heart belongs to her

You’ll notice that the second set of concepts can either be synonyms (frolic=dance, dotes=loves, doubts=suspects) or antonyms (day≠night, ugly≠fair, church≠bar), but they are related in some way, as is required. Just switching ideas around, does not make it chiasmus, for example: “She appreciated a tall, cold drink, but Eric was also her love.” Although appreciated is similar to love, Eric is neither similar to nor the opposite of a drink.

Antimetabole

The term chiasmus refers to reversing concepts or ideas…not exact words. When the words themselves are repeated, the proper term is ‘antimetabole’ from the Greek ἀντί (antí), “against, opposite” and μεταβολή (metabolē), “turning about, change.” It works similarly to chiasmus but uses the same words in reverse order. Here are some examples of this form:

  • One for all, and all for one
  • Eat to live, or live to eat
  • If you fail to plan, you plan to fail
  • Say what you mean, and mean what you say
  • Fair is foul, and foul is fair
  • Better have it and not need it than to need it and not have it (one of my favourites)

Many folks consider antimetabole to be a subset of chiasmus…some don’t. Either way, they are definitely related. Next month we’ll address a few more ways you can repeat yourself…and make it beautiful.

Hook Your Reader with a 99¢ Book

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This is a marketing ploy designed for authors with a series of books…or if you plan to have one. The idea is to start off with a low-priced eBook to get the interest of some readers…then convince them that the other books in the series are worth more, for both eBook and Print versions. This practice is similar to the Freemium pricing strategy in which a product or service is offered free (or at a low cost), but then additional features, products, or services are made available at increasing costs (a method that has been used with software since the 1980s). This process works well with software (and eBooks!) for the same reason: cost of distribution is minor.

Once you’ve gotten a loyal reader base, they’ll gladly pay more for additional books because they now value your work. (Of course, that assumes that your first books are truly wonderful.) The general idea is to secure as large a collection of customers as possible right up front, and because your low-cost books are so amazing, those first few readers will spread the word and draw in even more readers.

Get New Readers

Many readers out there are constantly looking for something new and interesting to read…but they are hesitant to invest $5, $10, or even $15 (hard copy) just to see if it’s worthwhile. An option is to find book-selling sites that will allow authors to release a portion of an eBook as a ‘sample’ to lure readers, but if the rest of the book still costs too much, then the sample won’t be very effective in getting new readers to buy the whole thing. Until your name is recognisable, you’ll have to tempt readers with a full book at a low enough cost that they are willing to try you out. Dropping the price of your first book to 99¢ is a good way to entice them.

Quantity Over Profit

Initially you’ll have to be satisfied with only a small profit on each sale, but the key is that every sale is a new customer…just waiting for your next book. Growing your readership is the concept here. Remember, every new reader will not only want your next book, but they will also spread the word about how good your books are, so you’ll gain even more customers.

Rankings and Reviews

Gaining all those readers will help you move up the rankings into the best-selling lists (no matter which distribution channel you’re using), giving you more visibility to other readers as they search for new material. (There are whole courses on how to spike your sales, but we haven’t time for that here. If you want more info on that, let us know. If there’s a large enough response, we may do a posting targeted to that subject.)

The idea is that when a reader searches for a book, they will often take just a glance, then head right down to see how many stars it has in its rating…and how many reviews it has. A 5-star average…with 3 reviews (your mother, your spouse, and your best friend don’t count)…doesn’t have as much influence as a 4.2-star average with 100 reviews, so getting more readers to read and review the book increases the odds that other readers searching for your genre will find your book tempting.

Link to Your Next Book

In each of your books, you need to list your other books and mention your next book (in the Front or Back Matter). You should include a short teaser (a first chapter), but putting in links (eBook or otherwise) can be difficult. The snag with links is that if you include a link to Amazon in a Nook book or vice versa, the publishers and distributors may hesitate to carry it. The same thing happens if you have a Kindle book with links to your printed book…same thing with links to any other competitors.

Using Redirect Links can solve a couple of problems. Redirect Links (also Shortened Links) work by sending your readers to a different page than the link shows. For example, if you have a link that shows <mysite.com/books> it could actually lead to <mysite.com/content/monthly/current_listing>. Not only is it shorter, but it is also easier for readers with a printed copy to type in. (Including a QR code helps with that.)

The key is to have the links to Amazon, Nook, or even directly to your printer on your page. It takes an extra click or two for your readers, but keeping all your links together makes it easier for you to update them if needed. (Much easier than trying to change a link printed in a book!) Another advantage is that your readers can find the rest of your books there, too. Tracking your Click Through Rate (CTR) will show how your marketing is influencing your sales.

Problems With Link Shorteners

You might be tempted to use commercial link shorteners, but there is one big caveat: most use some kind of domain name that is short and easy to remember…BUT it forces your data to pass through other countries. Country Code Top Level Domains (ccTLD) such as ‘.ly’ (Libya) or ‘.ws’ (Samoa) or ‘.my’ (Malaysia) are controlled by those countries, so care must be taken as the controlling country could monitor or even restrict traffic they find unacceptable. Libya has shut down sites using their Country Code for a variety of reasons. (That’s why I hesitate to click on links like that.)

The best way is to use your own domain name (you do have your own website, don’t you?) and install redirected links yourself. If we have enough requests, we will post a How To that covers the technical details of Redirected Links, but for now we’ll leave it at that.

Burly Detective

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This time we are going to look at a trope (a motif or theme that appears in literature, similar to a cliché but not necessarily negative) that seems to crop up in many new writer’s works. It is the attempt by the writer to avoid using a character’s name repeatedly. The term comes from detective magazines where teams of writers all work on the same series. For some reason, they prefer to not use the main character’s name, rather mentioning him using various alternate descriptions.

Instead of saying that Dick Tracy did something, they would say that the “tall man” did it, or the “blond gumshoe”, or the “man from France”, or the “burly detective”…hence the name. It appears in many places, especially dialogue tags when the speaker’s name would normally appear, and that’s where we are going to focus our efforts today.

Examples

Here are some samples that I just made up on the spot. They are a bit overboard, but you can get the idea.

Detective story:

  • “Let’s see the body,” Dick Tracy said.
  • “Over here.” The sergeant pointed.
  • “Looks gruesome,” the blond investigator said.
  • “Been there overnight,” the uniformed officer said.
  • Shaking his head, the plain-clothed cop flipped the body over.
  • The beat constable said, “Never seen that before.”
  • “A new one every day,” the confident sleuth said.

Romance story:

  • Jill glanced over at the new guy. “Who is he?” she asked.
  • Karen leaned back. “Good looking, isn’t he?”
  • The blonde nodded. “Good enough to eat,” she said licking her lips.
  • “You might want to get to know him first,” the stately woman said.
  • Nodding, the lady in blue adjusted her neckline.
  • Her friend said, “Is that how you’re going to snare him?”
  • “It’s worked before,” the bosomy female said, smiling.

Fantasy story:

  • Elladan tipped his head as he listened.
  • “What do you hear?” Morwen asked.
  • The tall elf waved his hand for silence.
  • Leaning in close, the elven maiden closed her eyes to focus.
  • Raising a finger, the white-blond fellow spoke softly, “In the distance…a disturbance.”
  • Nodding, the svelte nymph said, “Yes, I hear it now.”
  • The ruler of the clan reached for his bow.
  • The princess dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword.
  • “Be ready,” the young monarch said.

As you can see, the effort to avoid reusing the character’s name can get quite confusing…and a bit comical. (And trying to come up with all those different ways to describe characters is rather time-consuming!)

Cleaned up Examples

Let’s look at those same examples…but this time, let’s clean up the problems…and still get all the information across to the reader.

Detective story:

  • “Let’s see the body,” Dick Tracy said.
  • “Over here.” The sergeant pointed. (minor character, so no name used)
  • “Looks gruesome,” Tracy said. (use last name only to be formal)
  • “Been there overnight.” (only two in this conversation, so no need to re-identify every time)
  • Shaking his head, he flipped the body over. (alternating speakers, so it’s clear who does this)
  • The sergeant shuddered. “Never seen that before.” (use same generic identifier)
  • “A new one every day,” Tracy said confidently.

Romance story:

  • Jill smiled over at the new guy. “Who is he?” she asked.
  • Karen leaned back. “Good looking, isn’t he?”
  • She nodded. “Good enough to eat,” she said licking her lips. (it’s clear that it’s not Karen)
  • “You might want to get to know him first.” (only two of them here, so no need to repeat)
  • Nodding, Jill adjusted the neckline of her blue dress. (if the colour is important)
  • Her friend laughed. “Is that how you’re going to snare him?” (show relationship)
  • “It’s worked before,” she said, smiling at her exposed cleavage. (show physical description)

Fantasy story:

  • Elladan tipped his head as he listened.
  • “What do you hear?” Morwen asked.
  • He waved his hand for silence. (we should already know he’s an elf)
  • Leaning in close, she closed her eyes to focus. (‘he’ and ‘she’ work well in this situation)
  • Raising a finger, he spoke softly, “In the distance…a disturbance.” (different genders makes it easy)
  • Nodding, she agreed. “Yes, I hear it now.”
  • He reached for his bow. (we should already know his position in the clan)
  • She dropped her hand to the hilt of her sword.
  • “Be ready,” he said.

Confusing?

Clearly, it’s easier if the scene has two people of opposite gender, but even so, all those new and different ways to identify the speaker could be confusing…just how many people are standing around talking? In all three of these examples, there are only two, but with the Burly Detective descriptions in the first set, there could be three, four, five, or even more individual people.

Unless you are intentionally writing a parody, try to avoid overusing descriptions in dialogue tags. Either stick with a single name for your character or just leave it out. We’ll know who is who…as long as you’ve created real, believable characters.

Show or Tell?

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You hear it all the time: Show, Don’t Tell…but just what does it mean? And how do you avoid telling? After all, you are telling the story, aren’t you? Well, that may just be the predicament. To make it clearer, we really should refer to stories as being shown…just as movies are shown. We want our readers to experience the story…not be told what happened as if it were a newspaper article. Are we reporting the facts or showing active events?

As you write, envision your tale as a movie…show what can be seen, avoid telling. How many movies have a voice over to explain things? Probably not very many—if any at all. In fact, you’d probably be offended if a movie told you that the main character was angry…instead of showing him slowly crumpling up the note she’d left for him. Would you consider walking out If the voice over told you that the girlfriend was sad, instead of showing her devouring half a chocolate cake, washing it down with beer? You’d feel as if the producers thought you were an idiot if the cop stood in the doorway, scanning the room…and the voice over told you, “Sergeant Murphy looked for clues.” Yet many times, we see authors doing just that…telling instead of letting the reader figure out for himself what the characters are thinking or feeling.

You’ll find that most of your readers are pretty smart…think about it…they picked up your book, didn’t they? That’s a good clue that they know a few things already. Imagine that they are reading your book because they want to enjoy a bit of escape from the cold, cruel world. Give them something they can really get into.

Examples

Now we’re going to get into specific instances that could be found in novels all across the web. In most cases, the expanded showing gives you an opportunity to give the reader more insight into the characters than the curt telling does.

  • Amy was cold.
    • Amy pulled her collar tighter around her neck, turned away from the frigid breeze, and shivered slightly.
  • Bob was tall.
    • Bob could have played center on a basketball team…if it weren’t for the fact that his gangly limbs flew in all directions every time he tried to run.
  • Carl was tired.
    • Carl stared off into the distance, only occasionally rubbing his eyes and shrugging if anyone spoke to him directly.
  • David looked as if he’d slept in his clothes.
    • David tottered out of the bedroom, his sweater wrapped half way around one arm, his pants crumpled up almost to his knees.
  • Eric drove an old car.
    • Eric tooled around town in his classic Chevy, every surface polished until it gleamed.
    • Eric managed to get to the 7-11 with all the parts still attached to his old rust bucket.
  • Frank squinted at the rising sun.
    • Frank winced in pain as the first rays of the morning’s sun pierced into his bloodshot eyes.
  • George liked what he saw when he met Holly.
    • George sucked in his breath as Holly entered the room, feeling as if the whole building were spinning.
  • Holly enjoyed her date with George.
    • Holly gazed at George, entranced by his stories, hardly touching the expensive meal at the fanciest restaurant in town.
  • It was mid-winter.
    • Snow draped the bare trees, pushing their branches closer to the ground.

Sometimes You Need to Tell

Just because you constantly hear Show, Don’t Tell, doesn’t make it a hard and fast rule that must be obeyed at all costs. Occasionally telling is the right thing to do. A newspaper article demands that you report the facts…the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. The same thing can apply to fiction as well: often the glossed over facts will suffice.

We can’t follow the Main Character around all the time. You will always have moments when the camera fades to black, time passes, and we refocus on a new scene. You can summarise what happened during the blackout in a short paragraph or two. For example:

  • John fumed about the conversation last night. Kelly was getting really demanding…insisting that he get a job. She knew her income was plenty for the two of them, but he’d give it a try. He walked into the doughnut shop, put his elbows on the counter, and said, “Got a manager back there?”

That short paragraph gives us enough information about what went on last night that we don’t really need to hear or see the whole thing—we can imagine the worst.

Minor characters can get their few seconds in the spotlight then move on, some without even being named:

  • The girl behind the counter was surprised by the request.

Compress the passing of time into a telling paragraph:

  • Spring came and went, and John still hadn’t found anyone to hire him.

Add a bit of backstory in either a flashback…or a telling paragraph:

  • John remembered back to how his father had worked for a construction company. He shook his head. “Nah, that’s not for me.”

When you need to tell, go ahead, but keep it short to avoid boring your readers.

Follow the Rules…Sometimes

Showing…Telling…which to use, and when? Using both appropriately will thrill your readers and entertain them as well. Show to bring them into the story—Tell to move them quickly to the next exciting spot. For readers to experience your story, they need to be shown, but not shown too much. Used judiciously both will work for you.

Maybe it should be Show and Tell.