New writers tend to over explain things, telling the reader details that are either irrelevant altogether or just not needed right now. It’s true that a reader just picking up a new book knows nothing about the background or the characters or the setting or any of the situation, but instead of telling everything, try just showing a little bit about things as they come up in the action.
In general, you shouldn’t need to explain anything…readers are smart enough to figure out what’s going on…given the enough info. Besides, doling out details as the story progresses is a good way to keep the reader interested. Most readers want to anticipate what is going to happen next…and love to be wrong. Holding back tidbits of info keeps up the mystery and tension, leading to escalating conflict…exactly what we want, but you have to take care that you don’t withhold too much…aim for the Goldilocks zone, not too hot, not too cold.
Often new writers feel that they need to describe all the details of a scene…in spite of the fact that those details never play a role in the story—that could cause Purple Prose. Sometimes writers want to include all the interesting facts they’ve discovered when researching some point of the story—that could lead to an Info Dump. Both of these situations could be cured by considering Chekhov’s Gun and cutting anything that doesn’t belong. When the author’s opinion is used to justify things that are in the story, that is Author Intrusion.
Here, we are going to examine two other places where extraneous info tends to collect: dialogue and new technology…in Sci-Fi, Fantasy, or just near-future stories. We’ll look at how you can cut back on the specifics and still have your story understood.
Dialogue
We should be able to tell how your characters are feeling by the way they say things. If not, adding on an explanation in the tag doesn’t really help. This problem crops up when adverbs get stuck on tags. Instead of adverbs, try a short action instead, and trust your reader to figure it out.
- Unnecessary adverb
- “I’m sorry,” Bill said apologetically.
- “I’m so happy,” Dawn said brightly.
- Action that shows emotion
- “I’m sorry,” Bill said as he wiped a tear.
- “I’m so happy,” Dawn said as she jumped up and gave Frank a hug.
On the other hand, unless it is necessary, try to avoid having characters tell us how they’re feeling. Put it into action and let us see their emotions. It should be obvious from the previous scene, but if not, then add in a few more clues.
- Action instead of dialogue
- Bill sat down next to Alice and put his arm around her shoulder, giving her a gentle squeeze.
- Dawn’s face lit up as she ran across the room to greet Frank, wrapping her arms around him tightly.
Sarcasm is difficult to show in speech alone, so in those cases, it may be necessary to use a dialogue tag that shows an opposite emotion.
- “I’m sorry you didn’t win,” Bill said with a grin, hefting the trophy over his head.
- “I’m so happy,” Dawn said with a scowl, staring in shock at the test stick showing a blue plus.
The key is to watch out for any mention of a character’s emotion…when you find it, just cut it out. If the emotion is still obvious, then all’s well. If not, then rewrite the section until it is.
Technology
Although this problem is typical in Sci-Fi and Fantasy, it isn’t limited to those genres. If you are writing a contemporary novel, one of your characters might have a new-fangled cell phone (the Note 25.6 Mark II or iPhone 15.3A). Interrupting the story to explain the techie features doesn’t move the plot along—letting us see how the character uses it does. When introducing new technology, whether crucial to the story or not, it’s tempting to stop and discuss it…but don’t. If it isn’t clear what the gadget does from the way it’s used, then there’s a bigger problem.
An excellent example I’ve come across is when Heinlein casually mentions that a door ‘dilated’. He didn’t waste anyone’s time explaining it—he just let the reader assume that it was significantly different yet somehow similar to what we already know, and by not stating it outright, he gives a feeling of much more…a world that is so changed that dilating doors are routine and not worth commenting on.
Consider your audience on this, too. If I say, ‘phaser’, there are some readers who will know exactly what I mean…no need to explain anything. Then again, a slew of readers will have no idea what that entails. I could stop to explain it…or just move on and let them figure it out as we go. You decide how much detail you need to add to widen your audience…without boring those who already understand the reference.
Don’t Talk Down to Your Reader
In general, if you feel the need to explain, you may be assuming your readers are idiots…they aren’t. Ever tell a joke and have to explain the punchline? It didn’t go over very well, did it? The same thing happens when you interrupt the story to clarify what’s going on. Either the reader gets it…or you need to rewrite that section to give them better clues to understand it without disrupting the story.